Iver has been taking "piano lessons" (taught by me!) since he (
showed interest for the first time and) was about six, the year after we got a
Quarantine Piano. Six is also the age at which I started taking piano lessons with some highly rated (and costly) teachers that my parents selected.
For years (as I'm sure my parents remember), I put up a big fuss about practicing the instrument but I was told I must play until I was sixteen (at which point I was told I was going to be free to choose whether to continue or not). My parents ("YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU'RE DOING THIS!") were indeed right-- I was glad to have the classical music background, and music (piano but then mostly flute) continued to be a huge part of my life through high school, college, and medical school (after which it ran into a dead end because of the time demands of residency, then frequent OB call and an exhausting medical career, kids, and... well, life). Participating in bands, orchestras, and choirs connected me to some of the best people and memories of my life.
The morning (~15 min on weekdays except when I'm on call) piano "lessons" (sessions) with Iver have been a fairly low-stakes way to introduce and expose him to music, without shooting for any specific goal or achievement but just learning for learning's sake. It is not easy, however, to get him to the bench, with lots of feet-(finger?) dragging when it's time to "practice." Understandably, no kid (even me when I was one and especially kids who like to do well!) likes to struggle with a skill that takes hours and years to improve. However, I do think that doing things that are "good for you long term, even though they're not always fun [and I'm notoriously a fun-stopper]" are important.
For Iver, so that piano is more "fun," I let him choose songs (ordering popular sheet music) that he wants to play and "what to practice." Many days, he'd rather do Hanon exercises or practice chords than put the left and right hand together to play a piece. We could definitely do more theory and note-reading instruction, but I am giving myself grace in that I'm doing my best in the limited time we have. I'm good at quite a few things, but patiently teaching my own kids is not my forte (no music metaphor intended).
Since the spring, I've also been teaching Niall (also now six) piano, for ~15 minutes on each weekend day. He, like his brother, doesn't love sitting still for the instruction and lessons, but is extremely musical with excellent pitch and a love of singing (especially canciones in Spanish!).
He even made this tiny origami "piano" while at church last week, and which I think is adorable!
I sill struggle constantly with the choice of "forcing" something (music is the topic here, but other things can be included) that they may not be passionate about (*yet*?). I do suspect that my boys being taught by someone else (not related to them) may be more "productive" and let me off the hook for being the piano nag (which sometimes feels like it stresses our connection); however, I am still hesitant to spend money and (,perhaps more importantly) time on shuttling them to an activity about which they're lukewarm. I also don't like that, in the limited amount of time I have to spend with them especially during busy work-weeks, we have to fight about piano.
While my parents blessed me with an incredible and interesting young life including travel, sports, music and enrichment activities, and also instilling a lifelong love of reading and learning, I do think I was pushed a bit too hard, achievement-wise and was over-scheduled, probably contributing a lot to anxiety and extreme perfectionism that I had in my younger years (now, over forty, I am finally learning to relax, be okay with being "good enough" and not the best, and to let many things go, truly embracing "middle-aged mediocrity," as I say). This included (for many years) playing the piano.
Now, as a mother myself, I am extremely conscious about how I am choosing to parent my own children, sometimes in ways that differ significantly with how I was raised (and sincerely hoping that my parents don't take this personally). Having an extremely strong-willed oldest child, I have learned that we have to be very wary about how rigid and inflexible we are, as he has many of the same tendencies, which leads to a lot of power struggles and conflict within the home. Forcing things with him so often backfires, and we really have to choose our battles to keep the peace. I choose to prioritize connection over control almost all of the time, while still having rules, standards, and holding boundaries (Janet Lansbury, Susan Stiffelman, and Dr. Becky Kennedy are some of my favorite parenting experts to follow who really get what it's like to co-regulate with your child). I also really want to raise humans who do not have the same perfectionistic tendencies as I do and I want them to know that I love them for who they are, not for what or how well they do. It is more important to be kind and happy than the top of your class or an expert in a field.
At some point (I'm not sure if it'll be all the way to sixteen, though-- maybe middle school?), we will see whether continuing play piano or other musical instruments is something either kid wants to pursue. I want the kids to be internally, not externally motivated to do things that bring them joy and a sense of satisfaction. I have to guide, but be supportive and know when to back off. I can't nag them forever. I have learned and accepted that I must parent the kids I have, not the kids I wish or thought I would have. They may never be lovers of music, reading books, sports, rollercoasters (no one will ever ride with me!), hiking, adventure travel (or, frankly, even vegetables). But I will love and praise them anyway!
