Midlife Transitions

Many people have some sort of midlife reckoning, it seems.

For some, it comes in the form of a crisis (men dropping their wives and buying sports cars comes to mind). For others, it comes as more of a gradual recognition of how we want to live in the world, and I think I'm at that point!

At forty-three, I'm tired. I have struggled with balancing the pace of 20-minute office visits and the "metrics" of productivity in the primary care office setting for almost fifteen years.  I've taken overnight OB call at least once or twice a week (excepting my own maternity leave) during the same stretch of years, and now our prenatal and call model has changed (not for the better, I'm afraid). I'm finding that pulling all-nighters regularly is not good for my body, and I don't tolerate sleep deprivation as well as I did a decade ago.  When I am forced to park it in the hospital for 24-48 hours, I miss my family. I miss.... life, and feel at times like it's passing me by.   I often don't have the time, energy, or patience to play and kindly respond to my children and spouse or connect with others outside of work.

Last week, I had a break from patient-facing medicine and attended (virtually) a wonderful Inaugural CME (continuing medical education) course, "WHAM" (Women's Health and Menopause) put on by Harvard Medical School. I learned so much (with some self-interest) about the changes to women's bodies in middle age, along with how our moods, sleep, and outlook are affected by our fluctuating hormones. I also learned a ton about evidence-based treatments (including sessions in "Culinary Medicine" and WE. SHOULD. NOT. BE. AFRAID. OF. HORMONE-REPLACEMENT. THERAPY) that can reduce a lot of the symptoms, and suffering, unique to women at this point in our lives, when we have a lot our plates (demanding jobs, demanding kids, and more), and are undergoing some serious inevitable but disruptive physiologic changes. There were key talks about the interplay of stress, trauma, and hormones on our bodies and that living in a high-cortisol state constantly depletes us in so many ways, leading to burnout (duh, but validating). I got a serious break from my daily cortisol spikes-- and felt so much better.

While she was not a presenter at the conference, doctor Mary Claire Haver is another contemporary menopause expert, whose books and work are really illuminating about how our diet and exercise routines can really improve how well we feel (as well as our overall health. In short: Eat way more protein. And do strength training 2-3x per week because cardio alone cannot do it for you). 

In any case, I have realized with a lot of major contemplation that I really don't want to stay burned out, tired, and grouchy! I know I have to make some serious changes in my work life to stay more balanced, and it may have to start small, but I think it's worth doing (in fact, it's probably imperative). Stable misery is not a way to live! I can't get an A-plus at everything, and I don't want to rush through my days. Life is (probably?) half over, after all, and is meant to be enjoyed.  Stay tuned...

"Your ordinary life has extraordinary value. You don't have to work to uncover a secret dream because there might not be one. Your dream also doesn't have to include hustle and influence and numbers. Dreams don't have to be measurable to have meaning. Everyone has the right to dream big, but that doesn't mean everyone has to. It's all just life and all of it counts.."

..."You're not measured by greatness, success, or completed goals. In fact, I personally don't want to 'measure' my life at all. I want to live it." 

 - Kendra Adachi (fellow recovering perfectionist) in The Plan

Spring Sprints

Spring Track season is here! Iver tells us he enjoys track more than soccer, and that it's hard to decide whether football or sprint track is his favorite sport. He has a ton of competitive grit, but also has great form and thus gets good results! Niall participates, but has far less enthusiasm and drive.

Iver was excited to wear the allowable "spike" shoes (specifically gold) that he got for a birthday gift in December (thanks, Kat!) at the season's first meet, held on a lovely sunny spring day at Cal Poly's Redwood Bowl.

Niall did a couple of the sprints and field events, but was content to hang out on the sidelines (and eat snacks), being far less competitive/sporty/confident in general.

Staging for the 50 m sprint

Iver also eked out a second-place finish in his 50m race

Iver and Xander were excited to compete in the 400m after all the K-3 races that preceded them.

Iver trailed by a few meters until the final push...

 and passed Xander to win it, even having to go around him without changing lanes which he was told would buy a DQ.

Kids were free to participate in the baseball throw and long jump, which Niall loved!

Iver anchored a 4x100m relay...

... and took home amother blue ribbon.

100m sprint

Niall's haul

Iver's haul

Iver wants to "run up" and participate in the 5th-8th grade meets; however, the weather is going to be horrendous in a couple of days so this week's meet has been postponed. Until the next meet!

Bà & Ông nội Visit

Kelvin's parents (Bà nội and Ông nội) were here for the past 10 days. Having them (on usually about semi-annual visits) is seamless in our house-- they have their "room"(guest room) with clothes and shoes that they leave here, and they know where everything is and get around McKinleyville/Arcata/Eureka easily! My mother-in-law, Thao, is a wonderful cook and I'm always off the hook for meal preparation (/kid complaining about meals) while they're there, and Kelvin's dad stays busy working on house/maintenance tasks (I don't know how he has the energy, honestly! But the apple obviously doesn't fall far from the tree).

They enjoyed taking the kids to school (so the kids didn't have to go to before-care every day due to our work start times) and church.

Niall taught "Bà Bà " how to play chess! 

Kelvin and I snuck away to Havana, a new Cuban restaurant in Arcata, for a date night!

My MIL always takes a lot of photos of the kids, but we don't have that many photos with them! 

Spring blooms!

They also were able to attend the kids' track meet on Tuesday-- pics to follow!

Arcata Forest Run '25

 We did the (rainy, again) 6 Rivers Running Club Arcata Forest run this weekend with some friends.

  Kelvin's parents are in town and braved the rain to watch the competition and cheer us on.

Iver made this cloth napkin into a headband to "match" his outfit!

Iver and Xander led the 2-mile rice (Kelvin and Niall participated, too, although Kelvin's a very fair-weather runner and hung back to keep Niall motivated). 

Iver took second place overall, beaten only by neighbor, former LL classmate and ten-year-old,  Charlie!

Place Name                    G/age  Time     Bib#

 1 Charlie W                   M10   15:49    1025

 2 Iver V                      M10   15:53    1016

Kelvin and Niall finished in ~22 min. 

I decided to run the 5.5 mile event again, although I haven't been doing much running in recent weeks-months due to the weather and OB on-call schedule. While my body is feeling demonstrably more "middle-aged" lately and I was really feeling the forest hills this year and walked up many of them, I thought I'd beat last year's time by a few minutes when I saw the stopwatch at the end. However, I had, in fact, not-- I clocked almost the identical time (1:01:50) as last year (1:01:46 in 2024).

Thankfully, no one fell in the mud (I came close going downhill a couple of times!) and no one got hurt (Kelvin's stated biggest concern). Our shoes are pretty disgusting but intact (Kelvin's soles fell off  two years ago!), but we all had fun!  Until next year (probably. Maybe we'll get some drier weather?).