Being a mom the second time around is interesting... and quite different! While it's definitely far more challenging to juggle an energetic 3-year-old who likes to play chase (and still be picked up/held) and a ~ one-week-old baby with frequent feeding/pooping/changing needs than to
just have a newborn alone, I'm much more relaxed about everything this time around, just because of the familiarity with having kiddos! I remember being pretty anxious and overwhelmed to be alone with a newborn last time (while I see newborns and kids all the time in the office, I'd never spent a lot of time around one nor tried to keep one alive on my own for an extended period of time!). The hardest part of parenthood, round 2, has been trying to make sure I make a point to give Iver plenty of mommy-attention with one-on-one time despite feeling tired and busy with the new baby (Kelvin is doing a great job as Dad with getting his food onto the table and him dressed in the mornings!) and manning his impressive meltdowns when there's another child to which to tend. I'm amazed by parents who have kids closer in age than are ours, as Iver can do a lot of things on his own at home and communicates extremely well (although he definitely throws about one daily whopper tantrum). I would not be hanging in there as well if I had a younger #1 (and, based on my post about going for the walk the other day, I'm barely hanging in there with ours).
The "winging it" approach (and I'm not generally a "wing it" type of person) even started with even labor planning! While we had a few friend volunteers for "Iver duty" (even if at night) for when I went into labor, we didn't really have an actual go-plan, but I didn't stress too much about it... and everything turned out perfectly.
I tried to be a super minimalist with our first child. I don't think I bought a single clothing item for at least 6 months (we were well stocked, thanks to gifts and hand-me-downs). I bought almost everything used. I didn't want to have a bunch of bulky baby "stuff" in our living area, and decided to forgo getting a baby swing (someone did give us a glider, which we used just a little bit) or bassinet, although our lives may have been a bit harder as a result. I must say-- the second time around, I decided to just bite the bullet to get a few things (which I plan to pass immediately on rather than hoard!) just to make our lives easier. They (also mostly secondhand) have been
WELL worth it!
Additionally, sometimes things just get lost or ruined and you need replacements-- when I couldn't find my old baby and pumping bottles in the garage,
when normally I'd have been extremely frustrated at the waste, I just
planned to buy some new ones (but I finally did locate them!).
The first *new but used* item I got is a Rock 'n Play, which has been a lifesaver. While Niall spits up some (nowhere NEAR as much as our pyloric stenosis baby, Iver), he loves being nestled in this with his head slightly up, and is napping wonderfully in it in our living area (although it's portable so I can drag it around, like for when we're reading bedtime stories to Iver or I'm showering). While kids who spend a lot of time (or sleep at night) in these can develop some marked
plagiocephaly (flattened back of the head), we only use it for daytime naps when he's not being held, and are relying on a loaner bedside bassinet (thanks, Kellie), pre-warmed with a heating pad before setting him in it, to help with nighttime sleep. I definitely can't complain about our nights, compared to our frequent night-waker-until-almost-age-2 baby #1, as I've gotten several 3-hour stretches and two-wakings-nights already!
The next item for which I'm extremely grateful is this nursing chair/glider. I have spent thousands of hours of breastfeeding over the past 3.5 years, and wish I'd gotten one of these sooner, rather than using a pillow on my lap on the couch for nursing Iver. When I saw it at a neighbor's yard sale going for $20 (definitely worth the price of "renting" it, even if I give it away soon after we're done with nursing babies), I talked Kelvin into dragging it over to our place. We don't have an extra room that could serve as a "nursery," as Niall is sleeping in our room until we think he can share one with Iver, so it's in the living room and not too obtrusive. But it's been amazingly comfortable for nursing and rocking the baby, relaxing, and Olympics-watching during this maternity leave.
Milk-saving devices are my third "oh my gosh, why didn't I know about these sooner?" group of items. I tend to leak (from the other breast) with breastfeeding, especially in these early days, and used to just staunch the flow of milk with a burp cloth/cloth diaper. I heard about these low-tech items on a moms' Facebook site, and they've already saved me many ounces of milk I can store/save/freeze.
On the left is a Milkies milk saver, which you can put in your bra or tank on on the opposite side from baby and into which milk drips with letdown when he nurses (I can get anywhere from a few drops to an ounce per feed using this. I just have to remember not to bend over [like setting him down when he falls asleep] with it in, or all of the collected milk will spill, which it already has a couple of times).
On the right is a Haakaa silicone manual pump or bulb, which you can suction (gently; the suction is quite weak, however) to your non-nursing breast and into which milk will get drawn (I've gotten up to 2.5 oz at night on one side in a feed!). I am definitely a milk hoarder, constantly worrying about if/how I'll pump enough milk once I return to work, and to be able to passively save this liquid gold and have a back-up frozen stash (even within the first week!) is amazing.
Being home all the time without a routine/schedule is strange and bit hard for me as a bit of a worker bee, and, despite being an introvert and appreciating some quiet-time, being alone for weeks on end is quite isolating. Like I did after Iver, I plan to return to work (including clinic and OB call) in early-mid May around 12 weeks postpartum due to (comparatively pretty) generous partially-paid disability (6 weeks) and baby bonding (6 weeks) leave policies of my state of California, and because, not having family around (Kelvin's parents just left; my parents will visit for two weeks in March), we have childcare challenges despite an awesome daycare (the same one Iver attends). The late afternoon/evenings are much more lively (= stressful) with our toddler home from school, so perhaps I'll really come to appreciate the daytime breaks. And I do have some projects lined up to keep me somewhat
busy, including some family medicine board certification requirements to do
online, organizing of Iver's old/outgrown
clothing, next-vacation-planning (Croatia in September!), etc. Of course, I do enjoy the rare (in the life of medicine and overnight call!) downtime to read (book recommendations are also always welcome!), watch the Winter Olympics, and stream Netflix (thanks to some of your suggestions, I've tried a few episodes each of
Parenthood, Jane the Virgin, and
The Crown, although I'm trying to make a binge-worthy commitment), while holding little Niall.
I will say that it's true that snuggling a newborn is just as good the second time around!
Additionally, we are now aunt and uncle for the second time around, as Kenn and Lisa welcomed little Klian on the 22nd, a week after Niall was born!
It's the second time around for both of our families!
