A long month

It's going to be a long four years of a Trump regime.  I'm having a hard time balancing staying informed while trying not to be so outraged from the news that my mental health takes a serious hit. I wonder if/how his extreme supporters (and even reluctant voters) will feel any of the pain from what this administration promised to inflict and has already started implementing, including effects on health centers and the "least of these." How do I find and show mercy/compassion/grace for those complicit in his extreme cruelty? 

 

Post-Election Hope (?)

The election results this year didn't come as a surprise, even though they are incredibly devastating.  I've been pretty preoccupied and overwhelmed with work changes lately, and had mostly tuned out social media, polls, and the news. I did not yet dare to hope for the best (as I did in 2016 when I felt so incredibly shocked, horrified, and completely gutted at the results).  I was extremely sad and disappointed again this year with the voting choices of half of this country, whose moral worldview I don't understand nor recognize, even though I know these people are fellow Christians, co-workers, neighbors, family, and possibly (?) friends. Kamala Harris ran an incredible campaign in her short time (107 days!) as a candidate, and would have made an amazing president.

                

This post-election Wednesday, I didn't cry and despair as I did eight years ago.  I was weirdly detached and numb,  feeling incredibly cynical about the goodness of people, America, and our future. I'm trying to remember that the sun will still rise, and there will be more elections, but this country is not headed in a direction that I can support or embrace with conservatives and white nationalists pushing their dangerous agenda (even though "the economy" may have driven people to hold their noses and vote for an odious figure). Trump will not be around forever (and there are worse dictators in countries across the world), even though the impact (damage) of electing him (twice) will last a long time and will hurt many, many people (including many of his own supporters), particularly women, children, and working families. I can't control the political leanings of people who have gone off the deep end.  I can only still try to do good in the small corner of my world and treat others kindly, despite a leader and administration bent on doing the opposite, and despite being heartbroken that so many people remain complicit allies.  

Here are some words I found helpful in finding hope again, which is really in short supply these days for more than one reason.

Shared by a friend (from Susan Brison's Aftermath)

"One hopes for a bearable future, in spite of all the inductive evidence to the contrary... So one makes a wager, in which nothing is certain and the odds change daily, and sets about willing to believe that life, for all its unfathomable horror, still holds some undiscovered pleasures. And one remakes oneself by finding meaning in a life of caring for and being sustained by others..."

And from historian Howard Zinn:

"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.

What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."

If anyone has more hope to share, send it my way!

Yes, We Kam!

 

I haven't been super vocal politically on FB or this blog  in the last four years, sooooo content to have Biden securely in the Oval Office.  There was lots of shock and despair after 2016 and lots of (anxiety before but) hope after 2020.

We found out while on vacation last week that, after a dismal debate earlier in the summer raised serious concerns about his viability of candidacy, President Joe Biden decided to step down and out of the 2024 presidential race, endorsing VP Kamala Harris to run in his place.  While I would have happily voted for another Biden term, he isn't super *exciting* as a prospect to continue lead the Democratic Party and this country, in part because of his age, even though I think he's qualified and experienced (and has great people around him helping).  I even suggested a few weeks back that he should appoint Kamala to run, but didn't think he'd actually do it.

Imagine how amazing this country would be if other leaders could humbly put country over personal ambition (could anyone picture Donald Trump, a narcissistic monster and felon, stepping down from running for president?!). 

The change in candidate is prompting a whirlwind of a summer (which even included a possible assassination attempt on Trump, which I certainly don't condone) and a very high-pressure timeline with fewer than 100 days until the November election. There has been a historic groundswell, record-breaking fundraising, and again enthusiasm and a sense that America is on the verge of a historic breakthrough -- electing its first female president provided that enough reasonable people (including the "beautiful Christians" Trump courts as part of his coalition he can continue to curtail democratic voting rights) come out and vote for the far more moral and qualified candidate. I remember lots of similar excitement before 2016 during Hillary's candidacy, as well as before Obama's historic election in 2008 which prompted rejoicing in me and my friends, as well as all around the world.

I liked Kamala in the 2020 primaries, along with Elizabeth Warren and Pete Buttigieg (ultimately voting for Biden, of course), and still had this bumper sticker that I dug out, along with her children's book.

I recall, as a half-Indian woman myself, being extremely choked up at watching her Inauguration (and watching my [and other] kids watch her).

T-shirts purchased soon after the election and the Jan 2021 Republican insurrection are very appropriate to wear again now. 

Some funny internet memes-- (good) foreshadowing?? 

We are not sure (yet) who her VP pick will be, but she probably needs some Midwestern or Southern white guy to balance the ticket to give some of the people (mainly men) hesitant to cast a ballot for an intelligent, progressive, black & brown woman from California some reassurance that the bleeding hearts won’t totally socialize the country overnight…

In any case, the world is watching.  I urge you to vote for Kamala-- for the values of empathy and humanity, for global peace, for climate protection, for women, children, and families, for "the least of these."  I pray and hope that she will not only be the "First woman in this office, but not the last." 

Still I Rise, by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

If you're wanting to donate or pitch in to support and elect Kamala, please visit: 

Votesaveamerica.com/2024

ActBlue

Pantsuit Nation FB group (started under Hillary's candidacy and now resurrected).

A Christmas Poem

A Christmas Poem

by Kaitlin Hardy Shetler

sometimes I wonder
if Mary breastfed Jesus.
if she cried out when he bit her
or if she sobbed when he would not latch.

and sometimes I wonder
if this is all too vulgar
to ask in a church
full of men
without milk stains on their shirts
or coconut oil on their breasts
preaching from pulpits off limits to the Mother of God.

but then i think of feeding Jesus,
birthing Jesus,
the expulsion of blood
and smell of sweat,
the salt of a mother’s tears
onto the soft head of the Salt of the Earth,
feeling lonely
and tired
hungry
annoyed
overwhelmed
loving

and i think,
if the vulgarity of birth is not
honestly preached
by men who carry power but not burden,
who carry privilege but not labor,
who carry authority but not submission,
then it should not be preached at all.

because the real scandal of the Birth of God
lies in the cracked nipples of a
14 year old
and not in the sermons of ministers
who say women
are too delicate
to lead.

Women Speak

 

I consciously avoided reading/watching election news ahead of and during this year's midterm elections. Ever since 2016 happened, I have severe election anxiety, and try to have very low expectations about favorable outcomes.  I was so surprised and very pleased with this year's results. Polls (and media outlets) frequently get things wrong.  As it turns out, women don't like having their human rights taken away by right-wing extremists and men. Let's keep speaking.  

The end of DST (and democracy?)

 

Getting through this 97-hour OB call shift (with a bonus hour with the time change) has been challenging.  I pray that Tuesday goes ok for our country.

"Freedom"

“Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves, and, under a just God, cannot long retain it.” – Abraham Lincoln

I continue to be fairly disenchanted by our "freedom"-loving country in its continued rolling back of human rights. We enjoyed some summer weather and a day off work for a long weekend, which is worth celebrating (post to follow), but I'm not feeling particularly patriotic this year for "Independence" Day. 

United States of "Awful"?

"Land of the free" indeed.... 

PRIDE (/hope for the future)

 

We are LGBTQ+ allies in this house. We wondered somedays what gender/orientation our oldest would identify with, due to the pink pull-ups, dresses, and pink leggings he preferred to wear as a youngster and that (until the last year or so) his favorite color was "rainbow." We have been open to whoever he would be, because Love is Love. 

Iver's been attending a forest camp this week, which also wrapped up Pride Month 2022. Here was his matter-of-fact conversation on Wednesday...

Iver: Do you know something unique about Scout, one of my counselors at camp?

Me: No, what is it?
Iver: They are trans.

Me: Oh, that's cool. Do you know what that means?
Iver: Of course! Do you know what that means?

Me: Yes, I do. So do you know how best they identify?

Iver: Yes! Their pronouns are THEY/THEM!
Me (smiling so wide): That's great that you know that.

Iver: So can I follow their YouTube channel?
Me: Umm. I don't think so. But I will think about it. 

So many human rights are under assault from the religious right in this country.  I'm not sure if marriage equality, access to contraception, or inter-racial marriage is next on the Supreme Court chopping block.  However, the fact that my seven-year-old knows how to use gender-appropriate pronouns and doesn't find this shocking or a big deal gives me hope for the future of our country.

A Dark Day

 

June 25th, 2022 will go down as a dark day in American history, along the likes of Pearl Harbor, 9/11, the 2016 election, and the January 6th insurrection (note: a few of these have something in common...).

I received a text about the news from my sister-in-law Lisa while I was busy working in clinic, supporting women with very desired pregnancies build their families in the way that made sense to them in the full scope of bodily autonomy. I blogged in 2019 about how pro-woman and pro-choice I am because of my gender, life experience, religion, and line of work. I am shocked, saddened, devastated, but not surprised by the Supreme Court's ruling (6-3) in overturning Roe vs. Wade, ever since I became aware of the explicit evil of so many of the evangelical right and white nationalist Republicans (mostly men) with the circumstances and aftermath the 2016 election including the hijacking of the no-radicalized Supreme Court (no one can ever consider us to have overreacted now).  Thankfully, I had a busy day and night delivering babies and was distracted from the deep soul grief and anxiety a ruling like this carries for for the majority of us American women because of the setback to human rights (an unprecedented reversal of precedent) and reversing a half-century of progress for women's equality.

I'm thankful to live in a state like California but feel for my sisters (and brothers) living in less progressive states across this country in which (safe) abortion will basically be banned, criminalizing the poor and the under-resourced who are already desperate and living on the margins.  May we never take another election for granted in our lifetime-- or in the lifetimes of our children. Obviously, hard-won generational work can never stop due to the negative and regressive forces and radical minority views which unfortunately hold a disproportionate amount of legislative and judicial power in this very screwed country.

I don't swear often on this blog or on the internet but this occasion calls for it.

Will it ever change?

 

"Hymn for the Hurting," by poet Amanda Gorman

Everything hurts,
Our hearts overshadowed and strange,
Minds clouded and made dumb.
We carry tragedy, terrifying and true.
And yet none of it is new;
We knew it as home,
as horror,
As heritage.
Even our children
Can’t be kids
Can’t be.

Everything hurts.
It’s a hard time to be alive
And even harder to stay that way.
We are burdened to live these days,
And at the same time blessed to survive them.

This alarm is how we know
We need to be changed –
That we must differ or die,
That we must prevail or try.
So though hate cannot be ended,
It can be transformed
In a love that makes us live.

May we not only mourn, but give:
May we not only hurt, but act;
May our signed right to bear arms
Never blind our sight to shared evil;
May we choose our children over chaos.
May never another innocent be lost.

Maybe everything hurts
Our hearts overshadowed and strange.
But only when everything hurts
May everything change.

R.I.P, kids and teachers of Uvalde (and so many other victims of America's aggressive extremist culture and gun problem).

"Pro-life"

“Only the US forces you to give birth while forcing you to pay tens of thousands of dollars to give birth while not letting you have time off to give birth." [Original source unknown]

The First but not the Last

Ketanji Brown Jackson was just confirmed as the first Black woman in history to serve on the Supreme Court to replace retiring Justice Stephen Breyer! She is eminently qualified, and (sadly) just three Republicans voted with the Senate majority for this historic nomination.

 It was another good day for progress, progressives, and people of color in America.... despite the vitriol and opposition from the other side and the continued threats that come from a conservative-hijacked court. 

The work continues, but today, let's celebrate this Supreme blessing and this remarkable woman.

Leslé Honoré Poetry

When our Foremothers

Forcibly had Their feet put

To american soil

Soil that had already been soaked

With indigenous genocide

We harbored within Us

An unparalleled skill for survival

A strength to overcome

To endure to succeed

That we would pass down to Our Daughters

And Their Daughters

And Their Daughters

An infinite thread

Of #blackgirlmagic

Weaving Us all together

A tapestry of purpose

Of pain and victory

Our Foremothers knew

That We would not always be invited

To have a seat at the table

Many of which We laid and set

With Our skills, Our genius, Our sacrifices

Only to be denied

So They taught Us how to be Carpenters

And build from nothing

Make Our own tables from the scraps

Of wood and life strewn at Our feet

How to be leather tanners

Stretching the skins of Our Ancestors

Over the imperfections of the limitations

The barriers

The hurdles tossed before Us

Making beauty

From scars

How to be scientists

Knowing that sometimes

We would have to build

Revolutions

Movements

Allyships

With nothing more than an atom

Smaller than a mustard seed of hope

They taught Us

When the table does not welcome You

When there is no place setting with Your

Name

No chair held out

You will have to pull up a seat

Yourself

Even if it means

You will be beaten

Humiliated

Hoses and dogs set upon

You will be steady at your seat

Because You earned it

Because You will make space

Because Your Sisters will insert a leaf

Making the table wider

Making room for the generations

to follow

So We sit

Whether it be at the table of freedom

Or

Voting rights

Integration

Or

Women’s lib

Black lives matter

Or

The Vice Presidency

Or

THE SUPREME COURT

We will come

We will come with folding chairs

tucked in our

Purses

To reclaim Our time

And Our seats

We will squeeze in Our Sisters

Next to Us

Tight

Knee to knee

Shoulder to shoulder

not uncomfortable

Because

That’s how We came here

Tight

Knee to knee

Shoulder to shoulder

In bellies of ships

What was meant to destroy Us

Only made Us stronger

Put Us in tight proximity

To whisper words of encouragement

Redirection

Pass on knowledge

A whisper in Our ears

Keep trying

Don’t give up

Meet this person

Go to this place

Hold your head high

The children are watching

Make room for them too

We will be seated

Or build the tables ourselves

Either way

You will hear Our voices

Hear the echoes of the carpenters

Who came before Us

As We create

Art and music

Poetry and hope

Policy And LAW

Sometimes

We won’t sit at the table

We will dance on it

Leaving the world

In

Awe