Our two-year-and-one-month-old son has never been a good sleeper. Admittedly, we did not force the "sleep-training" at 6-12 months of life, which, in my opinion (in hindsight), seemed to be the optimal window of time. We kept thinking, hoping, and praying that his (and thus our) sleep would just naturally get better. It didn't. By 19 months after his birth, I had come to my wits' end and had had enough, and Kelvin agreed to work with me on some hard-core graduated extinction (à la Ferber). After about 3 weeks, it worked. While the early wake time of 4:30 or 5 a.m. was not ideal for us, we had a child who slept approximately 9 uninterrupted hours at night, which made life very manageable (and even pleasant, at times). This was short-lived (lasting maybe 3 months), and things have been rough again for several months. He's a very bright child, but can't seem to get the sleeping thing down.
While we do sit or lie with him and play music until he falls asleep (which I do recognize could be part of the problem), he doesn't get anything at night. It's dark, with soothing white noise. It's cool, but with plenty of blankets. There's a water cup at his bedside. He does not get any milk, snacks, cuddles, or hugs (and, while he is day trained, we let him wear a nighttime diaper). But his brain still wakes him up 1-2 times at night, for unknown reasons. We have a toddler stoplight alarm clock, and he completely understands the notion of "red- stay in bed, green- ok to get up," but he turns it off sometimes, and we have suspended YouTube and treat (the rare donut or fruit snack) privileges until he complies with this system (which he completely understands. In fact, he reminds us that he can't have either, as if we needed reminding). We are so done with fighting with him, that currently, we are closing our door, putting up the baby gate in his room, and putting on white noise in ours, and not entering his room until "green light" time of approximately 5 a.m. (or 9 hours after he falls asleep, whichever is earlier). The other day, about five nights into the privilege suspension, we said something at bedtime to the effect of, "If you wake up tonight, and the light is red, or you're bored, feel free to just turn on your light and play quietly. But do not wake up mommy and daddy by crying for us. We are NOT coming in until the morning."
That same night (despite our white noise), we heard him crying at midnight, and then at around 4:30 in the morning. After a few minutes of crying at the later wake-up time, it got quiet again. I checked the video monitor thinking that he, miraculously, put himself back to sleep and relishing that we may be able to sleep in a bit, too. However, on the contrary, I saw that, this tiny 25-month-old had brought a stool over to the light switch in his room, climbed up, turned the room light on, and was playing with his toys and books. At 5 a.m. when the light turned green, I went to him, and asked him "Why weren't you in bed?". "All done sleeping," he replied.
"Do you get YouTube today?" I questioned.
"No," he admitted, without any fuss.
"Let's try again tomorrow."
It's been two nights of him turning on his room light at strange hours, like 1 a.m., but actually going back to sleep. This morning, the second time he awoke was after the green light was lit (which is good, as it means it's 5 a.m.!) ... and he asked tentatively, "Donut? YouTube?" "Did you stay in bed the whole time, while it was red?" I inquired. "I believe I heard you at your door at 2 a.m." "No," he admitted (at least he's honest).
I guess we could be making some progress, but I'm not sure. We'll try again today, and continue with this plan every night for now, with hope that we're getting somewhere. While I would love a sleeping strategy that doesn't involve shutting doors on him and ignoring cries, I'm not sure that anything else is going to work with this kid. He doesn't seem to miss YouTube, fruit snacks, or donuts (or at least is not very easily bribed by the idea of them). I just think this two-year-old is smarter than we are and one (or more) steps ahead. He definitely listens to our comments to plot his strategies. We've been enlightened. Now, if only we could all sleep.
While we do sit or lie with him and play music until he falls asleep (which I do recognize could be part of the problem), he doesn't get anything at night. It's dark, with soothing white noise. It's cool, but with plenty of blankets. There's a water cup at his bedside. He does not get any milk, snacks, cuddles, or hugs (and, while he is day trained, we let him wear a nighttime diaper). But his brain still wakes him up 1-2 times at night, for unknown reasons. We have a toddler stoplight alarm clock, and he completely understands the notion of "red- stay in bed, green- ok to get up," but he turns it off sometimes, and we have suspended YouTube and treat (the rare donut or fruit snack) privileges until he complies with this system (which he completely understands. In fact, he reminds us that he can't have either, as if we needed reminding). We are so done with fighting with him, that currently, we are closing our door, putting up the baby gate in his room, and putting on white noise in ours, and not entering his room until "green light" time of approximately 5 a.m. (or 9 hours after he falls asleep, whichever is earlier). The other day, about five nights into the privilege suspension, we said something at bedtime to the effect of, "If you wake up tonight, and the light is red, or you're bored, feel free to just turn on your light and play quietly. But do not wake up mommy and daddy by crying for us. We are NOT coming in until the morning."
That same night (despite our white noise), we heard him crying at midnight, and then at around 4:30 in the morning. After a few minutes of crying at the later wake-up time, it got quiet again. I checked the video monitor thinking that he, miraculously, put himself back to sleep and relishing that we may be able to sleep in a bit, too. However, on the contrary, I saw that, this tiny 25-month-old had brought a stool over to the light switch in his room, climbed up, turned the room light on, and was playing with his toys and books. At 5 a.m. when the light turned green, I went to him, and asked him "Why weren't you in bed?". "All done sleeping," he replied.
"Do you get YouTube today?" I questioned.
"No," he admitted, without any fuss.
"Let's try again tomorrow."
It's been two nights of him turning on his room light at strange hours, like 1 a.m., but actually going back to sleep. This morning, the second time he awoke was after the green light was lit (which is good, as it means it's 5 a.m.!) ... and he asked tentatively, "Donut? YouTube?" "Did you stay in bed the whole time, while it was red?" I inquired. "I believe I heard you at your door at 2 a.m." "No," he admitted (at least he's honest).
I guess we could be making some progress, but I'm not sure. We'll try again today, and continue with this plan every night for now, with hope that we're getting somewhere. While I would love a sleeping strategy that doesn't involve shutting doors on him and ignoring cries, I'm not sure that anything else is going to work with this kid. He doesn't seem to miss YouTube, fruit snacks, or donuts (or at least is not very easily bribed by the idea of them). I just think this two-year-old is smarter than we are and one (or more) steps ahead. He definitely listens to our comments to plot his strategies. We've been enlightened. Now, if only we could all sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment