If you regularly read my blog (or know and interact with my oldest child, Iver), you will know that his favorite pants (which are actually Target Cat & Jack leggings) in the world are pink, which is (after "rainbow," the color of unicorn tails and manes) his favorite single color. He likes to wear them with multi-colored (including pink) tie-dye-colored crocs which were a rare Target splurge because he was absolutely and unequivocally in love with them. He would wear these pink pants (we actually have two pairs that get rotated) daily if we did laundry often enough. The knees of his favorite leggings (his second-favorite color ones are in lavender and turquoise) get worn out frequently because he only has a few-pair rotation.
He (and therefore, we) uses masculine pronouns for himself, but there was a time (when he was about three) where he had a strong preference for wearing "dresses" (borrowing my shirts and blouses to wear as such) and we weren't really sure whether he actually identified as a girl or just was expressing a more transient wish to be one, in part as he has had so many positive female role models, including aunts and teachers. While it didn't matter to us how he felt (or dressed), we feared that the world would not be as kind (I'm not sure if his friends comment on his pink leggings or unicorn outfits. If so, it hasn't bothered him, and I'm thankful for this). I blogged in 2018 about his preference of pink-and-purple pull-ups, and wrestled with my acceptance of the gender-unconventional. I have long since abandoned minding or interfering in how he expresses himself in terms of clothing and fashion, as long as it's mostly weather-appropriate, respectful, and clean.
Halloween 2018, age 3, dressed as Dorothy, with his "ruby" (well, pink due a Mom online order snafu) slippers
Laurie Frankel's book This is How it Always Is is an incredible novel to read for any of you who have tried to parent a child that may be different on the gender spectrum, and characterizes well the conflicting emotions of parents who know that the world will undoubtedly treat these children harshly despite our best intentions and deep love. Another great book (a true story) about a transgender child (a twin; her brother is cis-male) and her conservative family is Becoming Nicole, which I read last year and also highly recommend (spoiler alert: her family comes around).
Thankfully, Iver knows that his parents love him, no matter what his gender and/or the gender or sexual orientation of his future potential partners. We believe in this house that LOVE IS LOVE and that people of any gender or sexual orientation deserve full respect, human and civil rights, as students, as parents, and as citizens. It breaks my heart that some children (perfectly and wonderfully made) are forced to grow up in homes that are homophobic or transphobic and even abusive, their family's words, actions, and votes often contradicting a (their) very religion that calls us to love all just as God loves us, and harming these kids' spirits sometimes irreparably in the process. I wonder if these courageous and remarkable children can ever hope to change their parents' and neighbors' hearts and views in their lifetimes and can only pray that love could soften those walls.
It is Pride Month. I don't know if my young child is LGBTQ+ or not, but I love and will support him (or her, if that's what fits) regardless. May we all strive to be allies, to educate our neighbors and colleagues, and, above all, to literally and figuratively embrace all of those people you encounter who continue to be marginalized and discriminated against in our society, whether it be by true malice or just ignorance by others.
Be proud of his/her/their pink pants...
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