I am not sure what has happened to our oldest child, Iver, but over the past couple of weeks, it's seemed as if a switch has gone off (or on/) in his brain (for the better). I have written many times on my blog about how he has been an extremely challenging toddler to raise and which has led to many tears of frustration from me. Grasping for ways to figure out how to get him to sleep, eat, and cooperate, I've read tons of positive discipline books (Janet Lansbury's No Bad Kids is among my favorites [and podcast "Unruffled" is also excellent]). Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has been my parenting Bible for his first few years.
Nevertheless, despite all of the resources and tips, there have been
many times that I tried everything I was "supposed" to do and still did
not have the outcome I hoped for. Many times in the last few years, I
truly wondered if he was exhibiting normal toddler behavior or whether
he was a budding sociopath and we made a grave mistake in choosing to
have a child. I wondered why other parents seemed to be doing so much
better than I was, emotionally, and why people could fathom
having/handle more kids. I also think that getting a younger sibling
really shook up his year three, which can be quite difficult for many
children/their parents, and it took about a year for him and us to adjust.
This past week or so (Iver at four years and almost five months)
has truly been different than anything we've ever experienced before
(again, in a good way) and one I definitely wanted to celebrate.
Kelvin went out of town last week for about 24 hours, and will again at the end of this week. Previously, being alone for more than a few hours of time with both kids has made me incredibly stressed, mainly because Iver (who tends to be the far more emotionally and physically needy child despite being older) is such a wild card. However, it's getting quite a bit more manageable. He is a really good communicator, and he's become a far better listener. He will play with, share snacks with, and entertain Niall, and keep him out of dangerous places and Pepper's food/water bowl (or tell us if he's getting into trouble). He has been putting away his dishes and folded clothes willingly. He has been going to bed without a fight, sleeping through the night, and waking up close to 6 a.m., even later than his brother. He even has napped occasionally on the weekend when there is something that he wants to do/stay up for, although he has insisted that he doesn't need to nap. He has attended and behaved exceptionally well at a show and choir concerts with me, and has been participating in weekly swim lessons happily. He has been dropped off at a parents' night daycare event with unfamiliar teachers (which previously would have resulted in a major meltdown) without a fuss, and has been happy to be with either parent equally. He voluntarily disclosed that he'd snuck some jellybeans into his room and eaten them without asking. He been going to the bathroom by himself, including at night, wiping himself (with minimal supervision) and has kept his pull-up dry for six nights in a row. He's pleasantly become almost like a different child, which truly feels like a miracle to me.
"It will get easier," many people told me amidst my tears in the past few years of parenting. I kept hoping and waiting for that day to come, scared to hope that some day, the joy of child-rearing might outweigh the stress and exhaustion (because I wasn't convinced I would ever truly feel competent at this nor happy). While I recognize that we may just be having an exceptional couple of weeks and there will be still be ups and down, I think some great years of having a (pre- and then) school-aged child are on the horizon. It's great to feel so positive for once (an early Mother's Day gift?).
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