The pandemic positives (still COVID-negative)

I have to be honest that I've been struggling a bit lately with "how the world is."

COVID is not going away anytime soon in our country, despite the devastation and sacrifices that most of us have made in last six months. We had a bit of a scare last week with Iver waking up febrile/coughing, leading to him getting COVID-tested and us struggling with the dominoes that would occur for our other son, daycare, and workplaces (and weekend OB call) were we to actually be exposed or test positive (thankfully, he tested negative and bounced back really quickly, but it was a preview of what our year will look like overreacting to every cold and struggling with the logistics and ethics of calling out of work in healthcare due to possible respiratory illness in any one of us four).

ZOOM kindergarten (administered by daycare) feels absolutely awful for me (more harmful than no KG, in my opinion) and I'm feeling a lot of frustration about having to help Iver complete busy-work type assignments like sorting random items for "math" and watching more video clips in the hours after work (which really takes away from quality time), and pressure to somehow enrich his learning (especially for Spanish language, in which he is supposed to be immersed) which is not happening remotely effectively by Zoom. While I know that the teachers are just doing their best at not having this be a totally lost year, this time is stressful and incredibly painful for working parents who do not know how and do not have the time, energy, patience, or desire to be effective home-school teachers "on the side" along with parenting other children (and just getting through the long, busy days of our own "essential" work).

California (and Oregon) is on fire (again). Even in coastal Humboldt, our air and skies are hazy, and the orange sun in a martian-like sky is eerily glowing through the ash that rains down in flurries on our cars and homes. I can smell the smoke through my mask. The fires are less than100 miles away from us. We have bags packed in case of a need for evacuation.

This is not my photo but is what our sun and sky has looked like the past few days. Niall asks us throughout the day, "Is it nighttime?"

Golden Sun atop World's Largest Totem Pole in McKinleyville

Here's a professional photo of the Carson mansion in Eureka, about 13 miles south of us.  The sky has really looked like this.

I am very nervous about the upcoming election-- that somehow vote suppression, president-led debauchery, and/or a not optimally functioning postal service will deliver the current White House occupant another electoral college victory (or that, even if he loses when the final votes are counted after election day due to vote-by-mail, he refuses to leave office).  I grieved and felt the most hopeless I've felt in my lifetime following the election in 2016, and here we are facing four more years of him as well as all of these additional challenges in 2020.

I have had to try to dig deep to try to find some "positives" amidst all this chaos and pain.  Here's my best attempt at trying to find some "quarantine blessings" or things that, had we not had this crazy 2020 year, we may not have experienced.

Outdoor dinners and backyard time
We've had warm, dry weather for most of the summer (climate change is obvious here in a usually cool and rainy climate, hence the fires raging above). During these past six months, we have had many a meal outside on our deck, which was a nice "quarantine tradition." The kids have spent hundreds of hours puttering in the yard, "catching" butterflies, and riding bikes/walking around our neighborhood.

Neighborhood ducks

Family bonding
Without any weekend socializing or seeing any other family, our family of four has become really tight knit.  The boys are now sharing a room well and actually play well together, loving on eachother a lot. Never being at ease "staying home" with young kids, I've actually embraced the prolonged time (on weekends) with my two boys, who have really matured (weekends, particularly long ones, used to feel more stressful and harder than my usual work-week). Iver, who has always challenged us with his hard-fought battles, has matured into a helpful and much more flexible and rational being.  He is energetic, smart, kind, and funny, and I'm loving the age/stage he is right now. Niall, who admittedly has become a bit more defiant half-way into his "twos" and less "easy" than he was as an infant, is also a really funny, communicative and sweet little guy who keeps us all smiling.

Quarantine piano
I had been contemplating buying a home piano for some time, but had it not been for expected prolonged time at home indoors, I may not have taken the plunge this year to purchase the keyboard as I did in July.  I wish I had more time/energy to play (and that lessons for Iver would be safe), but having it nearby to even tinker with a few times per week has brought me a lot of joy.

Cooking at home
With more time around the house, Kelvin has taken up the cooking on weekends around here, leaving me far less burdened about feeding our family of four. He's even been watching Youtube links and has perfected some very tasty Asian dishes, including Pad See Ew from scratch. I am really loving the more equitable division of labor in the food department (me doing the meal planning and weekday cooking, and him doing the grocery shopping, weekend cooking, and the packing of kids' lunches).

A slow-paced life without plans
I have always been someone who thrives on task-completion, productivity, and efficiency and have always loved the orderliness of planning. This year has really helped me become more comfortable with the "unknowns." With no trips to plan, and nowhere to really go, I've become far better at just "being," relaxing, and living the slow life hunkered down at home (ever the introvert, I actually don't miss at all the pressure to attend various social gatherings, although I do miss face-to-face time with a few friends). Instead of constantly thinking "I should do x, y, or z," I've been far better about giving myself permission to doing what I want to do when given the time and space to relax. I've read a ton of great books. I've caught up on some totally frivolous Netflix series (New Girl was the most recent one that I really enjoyed) that I never had much time for in the past.  I didn't feel at all guilty about watching hours of U.S. Open tennis this past weekend.  We all need calming, enjoyable things to take our minds of the grind of work especially in the field of healthcare these days and in such troubled times.  I hope that I will continue to do more guilt-free "relaxing" going forward, even when this pandemic is behind us.

What joy have you unexpectedly "discovered" during COVID times? What positivity will you carry forward in your life?

Quarantine Keyboard!

There are just some things in this world that remind you of a different time, a different life. Music and the piano are those things for me, as I wrote about in a nostalgic  post in 2018.  While we will all remember life "before COVID" and "after COVID," I sometimes remember my life divided into periods of  "pre-medicine" and "post-medicine" (as a career as an often-on-call doctor can truly be all-consuming with little balance if you let it), a difference which sometimes seems more stark than even pre- and post-kids.  

I had been contemplating getting a piano for our home for some time, both wanting to play again (after almost two decades of not playing much at all!), and also hoping that one or both of my children may want to take lessons/play in the future (I believe I started lessons when I was six, just a bit older than Iver is now).  I had to re-post these oldie photos.

with Grandpa Alton at the farm house in Fisher, MN, circa 1984

Beginning piano, 1987?

I was hoping to get an acoustic upright rather than a keyboard, but my Dad pointed out that there are wonderful digital options these days with weighted keys that feel like you're playing a real piano, not one with light "Fisher Price keyboard-feeling" keys, and the weather here in Humboldt (wet/rainy) may create issues with requiring frequent tuning. (I still also have my old Yamaha flute, but other than showing it to the boys, it hasn't been touched in decades, either!)

I was at first hoping to purchase one at a music store locally (I've been very intentional lately about avoiding shopping at online retailers like Amazon and trying to support local or small businesses whenever possible [obviously with a few wrenches thrown in now due to public health concerns]). I ideally wanted to be able to try out the instrument before purchasing one.  I also thought about getting a used instrument using Craigslist as a source, but thought it would be pretty hard to scope out how good/reliable the instrument was and also didn't want to spend a lot of time in-person "shopping" (which I hate even in non-pandemic times), or figuring out how to schlep it home.  But then the COVID lockdown hit and, well, everything is closed and we shouldn't be going to places other than our own house (and essential work or grocery shopping) so to the internet I went.  I ended up getting a full-size (88-key) Yamaha model with weighted keys (and good reviews), as well as a stand and a bench, which Kelvin just assembled for me so we could get the keyboard on it. I neglected to buy a dust cover initially but one should be on its way, as both kids are all over the thing and I've taken to unplugging the power cord on the back of the instrument just to discourage mindless banging with unclean hands on the new "toy"!

It's been joyful to just sit down and play. After close to twenty years, I'm definitely rusty, but the finger muscle memory comes back... kind of like riding a bike.  And at least my fingers are well exercised from typing frantically in our clinic's EMR (electronic medical record) for charting in medicine over the past two decades, so picking up and playing on piano keys isn't such a stretch! 

Here is me in scrubs (home on OB call on Monday evening) playing the end of Bach's Invention No. 8, one of my favorite classical pieces from my favorite composer. 

I'm flirting with the idea of attempting to teach Iver piano if he's interested (he, being very strong-willed, will not be talked into anything that he remotely doesn't want to do).  I'd much prefer to have a music teaching professional handle the job but I don't think that it's realistic nor safe to have someone come to us (or him go to their location) anytime in the near future. I also knew that getting our own instrument first was needed for him being able to practice. I suppose I'd also like to "feel out" first whether he has interested in learning how to play before I cough up money for formal lessons that he may dread or fight (to be fair, I recall hating being forced to take piano lessons and my parents told me to stick it out until age 16, after which I was allowed to "quit" if I wanted. They were right-- I voluntarily continued to play and had to admit that they were right to force me!  However, I don't think I was ever quite as strong-willed as is our five-year-old).  I also don't see how ZOOM/virtual teaching for a child of his age is likely to succeed as his first introduction to the instrument, just as I am skeptical about the logistics and point of  "virtual" kindergarten as may be a potential plan for the fall (but let me know if you think otherwise and please suggest any beginning piano teaching books!).

For now, the piano is living in our master bedroom, and just looking at it brings me joy. While I've been reading a lot, I haven't picked up any languages nor any additional "quarantine hobbies" or skills, as cooking (or baking sourdough from scratch) and growing things in the garden are not interests of mine.  However, I have been craving something "new" and some novel things to do to break up these months, and I think tickling the ivories again/reviving what used to be a huge part of my pre-medicine life as a music nerd will be a great activity for me during this extended time at home, which seems like it will last much longer than we previously anticipated.  I've taken out some of my old piano books, my parents may send me some other old music that has been living at their house, and maybe I'll even get some new material to practice on.  We all need a COVID escape (and toy); while this was a somewhat expensive one, I rationalized that it replaces just a portion of what we would have spent in travel this month, as we were slated to go down to Orange County in two weeks, a trip which we cancelled, and our travel costs will will be way down for the next 1-2 years. It's great to be BACH in the game (on the piano bench) making music!

In(ter)dependence Day and us Four on the Fourth (Holiday weekend, COVID-style)

I don't know if there has been another Fourth of July holiday that I felt less like celebrating than this one (and I've never been big on large social gatherings or staying up late to fight fireworks traffic)! I am embarrassed and horrified to be an American during what has been a disastrous presidential term with a science-denying administration and national leadership that has (actually not that unsurprisingly but still depressingly) put forth an abysmal effort at containing COVID-19 within our borders, compared to other developed countries. Additionally, the continued inequalities that exist among our citizens, particularly those of color, are even more starkly apparent in light of recent events (not all people were free in 1776 and they're still not today).  Because many of our country's liberty-loving privileged citizens refuse to wear a mask (which I and many others would argue is what is currently the ultimate demonstration of patriotism), we will be stuck down in a semi-permanent form of shut-down for the foreseeable future (years?) without the ability to safely congregate with friends or possibly send kids to school in the fall, among other activities.  (Could we go back to being part of a civilized European country, please? We need Lee Greenwood to write a song along the lines of "God Save the USA," with lyrics including "NOT PROUD to be an American...")

Kelvin and I "celebrated" (with yet another evening home with kids, not doing anything or going anywhere) our ninth wedding anniversary last week, and due to COVID-19 spread particularly in Southern California, we will not travel to Orange County as planned at the end of the month to celebrate Kelvin's father's 70th birthday (which was on July first).  It's a bummer, but such is the reality of living through a pandemic in the good ol' US of A.

We continued social distancing this holiday weekend, and spent the weekend of the "fourth" with our nuclear family of four and no one else, mostly within our four walls and backyard. It was actually a really nice time (I much prefer Friday-led three-day holiday weekends!), with the kids behaving remarkably well and playing pretty well together (it's been such a blessing during this quarantine time for them to have a built-in playmate, even though Niall consistently and maniacally tears down any of Iver's built forts which causes lots of frustration and tears).  They also slept in (until 6:30 or so!) which was a huge gift. We did lots of indoor math (Iver is very into solving logic equations and doing sums or products in his head these days and figured out on his own that the country is 244 years old), reading books, a few crafts, and I even got some therapeutic decluttering in.  We had great weather with time for neighborhood walks, bike rides and some beach time. When the kids were in bed, Kelvin and I watched Hamilton on Disney+ which was really enjoyable (perhaps even more enjoyable than when we saw it in the theater in 2017 because I caught a lot more of the words with watching the subtitles and we were comfortable with  better seats and closer to the "action" in our own living room). Lin-Manuel Miranda is an absolute genius, and it was neat that we could listen to his marvel of musicianship, rhyming, and historical storytelling on this holiday weekend "sort-of" celebrating our national beginnings (and, if you're also a Hamilton fan, check out this clever "mask-up").

Iver wishes everyone a Happy Fourth

Iver has been interested in history/presidents (we only talk about the past, good ones), and he'd requested a book about Abraham Lincoln (the assassination fascinated him) from the library (which has been doing curbside pick-up, allowing us to get more and new reading material, which is much appreciated!). Although it was a bit over his head, Iver and I watched the NPR video of the descendants of abolitionist Frederick Douglass reading his Fourth of July speech. Niall told us who his favorite president is (it's mine, too).

THE RED
Niall and Iver discovered last week that some strawberries that my friend Kellie planted last summer  (due to my black thumb!) were bearing fruit (last year, her seedling also produced peas!).  We were (well, especially I was) shocked.  While many people I know have used this springtime time at home to nurture their gardens, I certainly did not (planting/gardening is something in which I have zero interest and even less talent).

Harvested bounty

Iver and I followed a Little Passports activity idea and made red and blue "Holi powder" out of flour, water, and food coloring to celebrate the Indian and Nepali springtime festival of water and color, which I remember fondly from our time overseas. Unfortunately, it never quite dried well and didn't easily get pounded into flour (but still killed some time!). 

We enjoyed many meals outside on our deck (which has been a neat quarantine tradition for us that we will probably continue in the warmer months). My pollen allergies are finally getting better, and I am actually enjoying the time in the outdoors now!

We passed some outdoor family time at Luffenholtz beach in Trinidad, which was new to us!

I love that Iver is doing a black power salute (unprompted) in this photo!

Check out this BLUE, BLUE Humboldt sky!

With Kelvin and I both being physicians who are pretty risk-averse, we aren't huge fans of the idea of home fireworks for children, although (because there was zero chance we'd go anywhere public to view any this year amidst the pandemic) it briefly crossed my mind to get some this year, as Iver had been asking about them.

Nevertheless, we decided unanimously against it, and instead, they had to settle for evening glowsticks which Iver found in our guest room, given to us by a friend Gloria ages ago.  Even though we didn't go out to watch any fireworks (and the kids were asleep), the neighbors sure made up for our lack, as I heard was the case across California!

While we did really enjoy our close family time this weekend, this year (more than in years prior) on the Fourth, I was reminded that I lament where (who) we currently are, and that I crave and strive to live in a country when all men (and women) are created equal and demonstrate an appropriate balance of individual liberty and concern for other citizens as is absolutely critical in a crisis like we have on our hands. When we are there, and when it's safe to leave the house, maybe I'll celebrate the birth of the USA a bit more enthusiastically.

photo: "Liberty Crumbling," award-winning sand sculpture at TexasSandFest 2019 by Damon Langlois