Celebrity Scholar

I don't often brag about my very accomplished, smart, hardworking, productive, and articulate husband who, most of the time, makes me look like a slacker in comparison. Check out this great three-minute video featuring him, which will be used in advertising to recruit more physicians for the National Health Service Corps, which aims to train physicians to practice in underserved areas like ours (it features small roles for myself, Pepper, and Iver videotaped among the redwoods and in our living room).

Grandparents Are Here, Ashes, and the Lunar New Year!

I'm finally getting around to posting photos taken while my parents have been here visiting.  Iver is at a fun (while exhausting) age, and my parents have been great to have as extra hands and to entertain him, particularly with reading tons of books.  Sadly, they have both fallen ill while they've been here (this has been a sick, sick household lately!), so we haven't done much out and about, but we did go to our favorite restaurant, Larrupin, for dinner on Saturday, when Iver's daycare had Saturday babysitting for 'Parents' Night Out.' We've enjoyed lots of "down time" at home chasing Iver around the living room and keeping him out of trouble

Grandma's lap is a favorite place to be

 Interested in Grandpa's beard

Doing headstands on the stairs... 

... and trying to go down by himself... (no fear in this kid)

Here's breakfast on the floor (we are having more eating successes just this week. I'm psyched about this!)

Shoe-stealing.... a favorite activity

Ash Wednesday...

(looking very dapper)

... and opening Red Envelopes for Tết, Lunar New Year.  Thanks, Aunties!

And, although she is not here physically, I must wish a happy birthday to Bà nội ,another very special Grandparent who we celebrate today!

A New Month!

January was a rough month around these parts. The new year started for me with a terrible viral upper respiratory illness which had me down and coughing for weeks... and ended with some kind of stomach bug that hit me hard last Friday afternoon in clinic, where I vomited in the room while doing a circumcision (thankfully, this child's parents were not in the room for the procedure, although they often are!) and a few more times that night.

Iver missed four days of daycare due to febrile illnesses in his first month there (got called this afternoon to pick him up due to a 102-degree fever), and he hasn't really been his fun, playful self this week. Luckily, my parents are in town and were able to provide emergency babysitting while we still worked, but they, too, were feeling a bit under the weather today.

I've been exhausted being a parent and a (sick) working mom, with a (sick) and high-intensity, strong-willed toddler.

On the up-side, though:

Last night, Iver only woke up once in the night (between 8pm and 5:30 am), and it didn't involve any nursing, so I went a whole night without getting out of bed! It was amazing and I felt like a normal, rested person this morning (even though I still woke up multiple times, wondering why he wasn't up!)! I'm not sure this pattern will be repeated any time soon, but I'm hopeful.

He also (perhaps after a few days of being sick/having no appetite/starving?) actually ate dinner tonight, which was a first. If you, like we do, have a toddler who refuses to eat (solids other than fruit) you have to read this book My Child Won't Eat, by pediatrician Carlos Gonzales.  It totally calmed my anxiety about Iver starving to death and officially let me off the hook from fighting the food battles.

I saw this picture a friend posted on FB and teared up, as it really captured how challenged I have felt as a parent due to *my child* not doing things the way or how I expected him to. But he's not a robot, I have to remind myself, and has taught me many things about flexibility and patience.

Here's to February, a new month, in which I hope to be a happier, less frustrated, less stressed parent, and in which I will (with hope) not vomit in any patient rooms (and we, with hope, will all stay healthy!)

Monday/Mommy Call

I thought I'd document how things went yesterday on a fairly busy call day for me, involving laboring patients, clinic, dog-walking, mommy-hood, and overnight wakings.  This will probably not be an uncommon Monday schedule for our family.  It was tiring!

1/25/16

0625- Iver is up for the day.  He uses the potty, we dress, we prepare and eat breakfast, and walk the dog together as a family as the rain has ceased for a bit
0745- Kelvin takes Iver to daycare and then heads to meetings in Eureka. I head to the birth center to take over care of a laboring patient admitted overnight
0830-1000- see prenatal patients, manage my EMR inbox, etc
1000- pump milk, eat a very early lunch while charting (thankfully it was a light morning)
1110- go back to birth center, break patient #1's bag of water to help stimulate her labor
1125- admit another laboring patient (#2) who walks through the door
1135- see another clinic patient
1200- drive home to walk Pepper
1230- head to daycare to nurse Iver
1300- Kelvin meets me at daycare to pick up Iver; I head back to birth center as patient #1 feels things are moving fast with her third baby
1350- deliver a healthy baby boy!
1420- return to clinic to finish seeing afternoon patients
1600- last patient no shows, so I return to birth center to check on patient #2, who is getting an epidural
1630- drive home to hang out with and nurse Iver a bit, eat a quick dinner
1700- called back to birth center for patient #2 who feels like pushing
1730- was going to attempt a version (baby-flipping of a breech baby) on patient #3 but baby was head down! Kelvin takes Iver to Eureka to visit with a MD candidate and visit with friends
1830- 2000 - push with patient and deliver baby #2 (a girl!), but I miss Iver's bedtime :(
2130- return home after charting/doing the newborn exam and paperwork, pump a little, prepare Iver's food for the next day
2230- go to bed (too late) after watching Australian Open Tennis
0030- Iver wakes for the first time (and cries for about 15 minutes, but puts himself back to sleep) but we lie awake in bed, watching the monitor
0110- fall back asleep
0215- woken up by a phone call from the birth center as patient #4 arrives in labor at 9 cm with her second baby, rush to birth center, hoping I make it there (thankful I live only 5 minutes away!)!
0234- deliver the third baby (it's a boy!) of my call! Finish the repair.
0315 - see on our  webcam that Iver has awoken again, rush home, nurse him,
0330-0350 - attempt to put Iver back to sleep  (unsuccessfully, with much crying and screaming)
0350-0420- Kelvin tries to put Iver to sleep while I finish electronic orders and charting from home (with much crying and screaming)
0440- we finally fall back asleep
0545- awoken by a phone call from birth center with another rule out labor patient!
0622- Iver wakes up before I could fall back asleep. Potty, breakfast, we walk Pepper.
0745- get a call that the patient's cervical exam hasn't changed and I give verbal discharge orders
0750- drive Iver to daycare, stop by hospital for rounds on the women who delivered yesterday and their babies
0920-1045 - attempt to nap, at which I suck even when exhausted. Get up to get some work and chores done, before I head at 1230 to pick up Iver.

It was a busy ~24 hours!

Thanks to Katherine, my sister-in-law, for sending me this funny e-card!

13-month update

I'm not sure how long I'll continue these (monthly) updates, but I'll continue charting our toddler's developmental milestones for now.

At 13 months, Iver:

- is still breastfed and will drink some cow's milk or breastmilk from a cup  (except at daycare where he goes on strike).  He doesn't seem to be anywhere near weaning himself. He often fights solid foods (particularly coming from me) but we realize he hates being strapped in the high-chair and being spoon fed with a baby spoon (unless it's what you're eating), so we've taken to picking our battles and now feed him on our laps or sitting at the counter, letting him grab at the finger food. I have been reading a lot about encouraging eating (well) in toddlers without getting frustrated. He LOVES fruit (clementines, pears, and bananas his favorites) and will eat most meats and grains (but is a picky about the veggies if he can pick them out). I will be stopping my pumping at work (unless I can't see him during the day) starting around February 1st. Hooray! I still have frozen breast milk which may last many months, considering he refuses to drink milk at daycare. 

- is in daycare 5 days per week now (three days are half-days).  Grandma went back down to Orange County last week so he's been adjusting to only having two caregivers. He still cries when we drop him off (which the "teachers" tell us is fairly short-lived) but eats well, and plays well with other kids. 

- is still somewhat sleep-challenged. Every time we make headway with the sleep training, there is "something" that happens (i.e. Grandma leaving, Kelvin going out of town, illness, people in town, etc). He still goes to bed around 8pm and is up for the day around 6 am., waking 1-3 times (I've been going in to his room only once to nurse him, and trying to make it only for wakings after 3 a.m. He's on his own to put himself back to sleep before then which he usually does, although sometimes there's quite a bit of crying). He naps for about 1-1.5 hours in the morning around 10 a.m., and then 30-60 min in the afternoon around 3:30 or so (naptimes tend to be slightly earlier at daycare), and, for naps, has trouble getting himself to sleep without being nursed, rocked, or held-- he'll cry for hours which has been really hard for me. 

- is incredibly adventurous. He tries to run, and rarely cries even after big falls. He has climbed over the top of our couch. He will back himself down stairs and off furniture easily. He likes to stand up ontop of high places. He loves to open and close anything he can-- including drawers, cabinets (most are locked now), and the trash can. He is always on the move. He can almost climb out of the crib (yikes).

- is very intense and passionate. As above, he will fight naps like I have never even fathomed. He will fight getting into the carseat as if you're really harming him. He doesn't like getting strapped into the stroller, but once we're on the go, he's happy.  He is a challenge to change.

- waves, points, and understands commands like "bring that book to me," "kiss my cheek." He has started to make the sign for "milk," which he desires constantly. I haven't really heard any specific words, but I'm not too concerned as babies who hear two languages tend to vocalize later.

He is a full on opinionated and fairly independent toddler who challenges us each day and whose smile melts our hearts!

"helping" us with chores- here he is in Safeway!

laundry

vacuuming

Just us

Grandma departed on Tuesday night, with Kelvin, who stayed down in Sacramento for his leadership conference, so it's just been Iver and me this week. 

Single parenting is really tough. I am very tired and still struggling with a persistent cough. Iver definitely has felt the "absence" of two key caregivers, and has been particularly clingy and whiny, wanting to be held and nursed constantly, and has been crying a lot. He has been fighting naps particularly vigorously. He still wakes 1-3 times per night.  I've gotten him to eat a couple of dinners and one of four breakfasts.  He still is crying every drop off and refuses to drink anything at daycare. It took me 15 minutes and much struggling to buckle him into his carseat Wednesday evening, due to arching/kicking/screaming, which upset me a lot and bought me many sympathetic glances from other parents leaving daycare (but no offer of extra hands. I really wondered what I was going to do if I couldn't physically get him restrained-- drive home with him roaming free in the car? Stay in the parking lot all night?). I have raised my voice. I have sobbed in frustration. I have really missed (and longed for) my former, child-free life and wondered how other parents are brave enough to intend to have another child and go through this again. I have wanted to hide and/or run away. I don't feel like a very stellar mom this week and I've been sorry that my son didn't get a more patient, "maternal" mother. But I know I am not alone. And I know this will pass (and Kelvin comes home tonight). I really needed to read this posting by Kate Meier I saw on a Facebook Mom's group. 

Mommy,

You don’t have to be sorry.

The other day, I heard you crying in the bathroom. That was the day that you just couldn’t take it anymore. My brother spilled a gallon of organic milk, which apparently “costs more than college,” and I had an accident on the floor. We both had been screaming and crying all day, and we wouldn’t leave you alone even though you asked for just five minutes.

You locked yourself in the bathroom, and you cried. When you came out, you hugged both of us, and you said you were sorry.

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

Then there was that day that you were on your phone. A lot. You said there were some things you wanted to read and pictures you wanted to see. When you tucked me in at night, you told me you were sorry you were on the phone so much.

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

I remember the day that I was following you around the house crying because I wanted to be held, but you had so much cleaning to do because Grandma was coming. Once all the cleaning was done, you picked me up and cuddled with me on the couch for a minute before I jumped off your lap. That one minute was all I needed, but I saw the look on your face. It’s the same look you make when you tell Daddy, “One day soon, they won’t want to be held at all.”

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

Remember the day you yelled really loudly at me? So loud that it scared me and I started crying? And I was confused because I was scared and I usually want you when I’m scared, but you were the person who scared me, and I didn’t know what to do? Your face softened right away, and you picked me up and promised never to make that sound again.

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

You don’t have to be sorry that you have bad days. I have bad days, too, and you always tell me that it’s OK to have a bad day.

You don’t have to be sorry that you didn’t make dinner. I love when you tell us that dinner is a picnic and we snack off a cheese plate that you put on a blanket on the floor.

You don’t have to be sorry that I didn’t get a bath last night because you were too tired, or that you didn’t want to read a third story, or that you got frustrated because I kept crawling out of bed.

Mommy, I see you. I may not always thank you, or tell you I love you, or do what you want me to do, but I do see you. On the days when you feel sorry, please remember the way my face lights up when you walk in the door, or how your kisses are somehow magic when I’m hurt.

You don’t have to be sorry. When no one else understands what I’m saying, you do. When no one else can comfort me, you can. When no one else could put up with my bad days, you do.

You may not be perfect, but you are the perfect mommy for me.

Love,

Your baby

Overwhelmed

I've had a really bad virus-- which has my energy level a zero and a persistent cough, for about two weeks. I can't remember feeling this bad in years, and certainly not since becoming a mom, which adds its own layer of complexity and not-putting-yourself-first-ness. It's amazing how much we (I) take our (my) health for granted.

I've had pretty busy OB call days including at least one delivery per day (most at 1 a.m.) last weekend with a lot of emotionally draining labors, and haven't had a *real* day off since coming back from our winter getaway.

Iver started daycare last week. He's doing ok, although still crying when we leave him and refusing to drink any milk all day, and eating quite little (but someone mentioned to me earlier this week that she thinks toddlers live on air!). He was in the 6% and only 18 lbs at his 1 year WCC, which again has me concerned that we can't get enough calories into him. He missed two days of daycare already with probably the same illness I've had, with some vomiting and a heartbreaking little cough.

Kelvin's mom is still with us for another week, before we are *on our own*. I'm pretty nervous.  She has done so much for us in this last 10 months, allowing us to ignore the *real world* while maintaining heavy workloads.

I don't know how people are able to be "productive" at work (i.e. seeing and charting on 20 patients in a day), get their kid(s) off to daycare/school, make food for themselves/their kids (and have time to eat it), walk the dog, get laundry done, keep their house in some semblance of order, and ... keep their sanity. Or have time to do something for themselves like read or relax... before falling into bed, exhausted.

Fingers crossed that we all find a way. Prayers are appreciated.