The movie Parenthood arrived from Netflix this week. An excerpt (where Gil's grandmother is going on and on about rollercoasters) from the movie was (believe it or not) played at church last weekend and reminded me of what a classic, hilarious flick this is. Kelvin had never seen it and therefore I just had to put it at the top of our Queue.
It also got me thinking... about parenthood.
Most you, at this point, have read or heard about this woman, Amy Chua, and her parenting style described in her book The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I recently read just a couple of articles on the subject, including this excerpt (Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior) in the Wall Street Journal online, and my jaw dropped in complete shock during my whole reading, starting with the first sentences.
Chua describes how she: never let her kids attend sleepovers or watch TV, demanded excellence in all fields (from playing a challenging piano piece, to math and school studies, to a personalized birthday card) and (somehow) raised two successful (and supposedly "well adjusted") girls.
"Nothing is fun until one is good at it," she quotes, which is one of the justifications she gives for her rigorous approach.
Not having children, this article makes me pray that I will never be a mother like this. My parents had high expectations for me and made me do things that I, at the time, did not want to (i.e. practice the piano [I remember many a tantrum on my part!], although this was for a mere 30-60 minutes a day, not like six hours a day like these Chinese girls. However, they never drove me to insanity which is what I imagine would happen with the treatment Chua gives (although, they claim it not to not be the case and that her offspring are just as well adjusted as is she, who was also raised by a "Tiger Mother"). What do my Asian friends think? Were your mothers/(parents) like Chua? Is that why you are who you are and you are as driven and successful as you are? Will I be that "western" parent that is portrayed as perpetuating laziness in their children by being accepting of differences in work ethic, productivity, and performance?
For those of you who have children... will you love and accept your children for getting less than an A? Does every child have to be the top of every class, top of every music program, and banned from "fun kid stuff" to be successful?
I am not sure I want to read the full book (do they have it for Kindle?!), as I was extremely offended by the short form(s); however, I may just have to in order to convince myself that I can succeed as a parent without being a crazy authoritarian.
4 comments:
Hi T!
I'm Asian and a mother, so I felt qualified to respond to your questions. :)
1. No, my mother was not like that. In fact, I don't think she ever asked me about my grades. She did make me practice the piano. She came to my basketball games and cheered for me when I was riding the pine. :)
2. We have talked about how we will strive to love and value Caleb even if he is a middle of the road C student. Average, not superior? Not every kid can be at the top of the class - that's a statistical impossibility. :)
3. Try reading another one - "The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness". It will balance out the mother tiger book. ;)
One extreme. Avoid reading the extremes.
Obviously not a Chinese mother.
I got rewarded growing up for getting a "1" (best) for "trying". They gave those in my elementary school.
I have two goals for my boys: 1. Love the Lord 2. Be happy. I do not care if they go to college. I do not care if they do well in school.
That being said, I will expect that they give their best, whatever that is.
We have had a debate about requiring our children to choose an instrument. Hmmm ...
Hi Tara,
I obviously am an Asian mother and can answer your questions.
1. Yes, I grew up in a fairly strict household (though maybe not as bad as the woman in the book you described). If I got a 95% on a test, my parents would ask me about the 5% that I got wrong. As a result, I would have to do extra work (especially in math) as practice so that I could get the perfect score next time. I think there's a fine balance between pushing your children and going to the extreme.
2. I want our daughter to do well, but I hope that I do not turn out like the stereotypical Asian mother. I may borrow some of my parents' concepts but don't want to enforce them and drive our daughter batty. It's unhealthy!
Thanks, my friends, for your parenthood comments!!!
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