Slowing down

I am a "doer." Sometimes I even think my own daily to-do lists are too ambitious, but I tend to "go, go, go" all day long and also when I return home from work and, somehow, checking off items on that list makes me feel accomplished.

Having a newborn definitely changes things.  As many of you have experienced, I don't know where the time goes each day!  While I worried about how "maternal" I would feel after giving birth, not thinking I'd have much of an instinct, I was so, so wrong.

The above sign reminds me that it is definitely ok to just hold my baby 12 hours a day and just stare at his fluttering eyes and puckering mouth, nurse him on demand, and change diapers.  Even if I don't get to the laundry, or the dishes, or the cooking, or the thank-yous just yet, and the showering is not necessarily a given, I have a very important job to sustain the life of this little one and be the best mommy that I can.  And I have stopped feeling guilty about temporarily abandoning my patients during these months.

Because my baby will only be a newborn once and this time goes by fast.

The Birth Story!

“There is a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong.”

– Laura Stavoe Harm
 

So I found it really interesting that I procrastinated on posting the 'Preparation' blog-- since our son arrived the next day!!! I think it's a pretty good birth story (definitely not how I expected things unfolding but perfect in how it did!) and I'm still a bit in shock at the whole experience :)!

On Saturday night, Kelvin and I attended Open Door's Holiday party at the Arcata Community Center. We got to catch up with many friends from work (nice since I've been off and out of the loop for a week) and enjoyed dinner which included lasagna and salad. Molly and Nina, two of my prenatal colleagues also term, were both there and "undelivered" too.  There were no signs from my body that anything was brewing. In any case, we headed home between 10 and 1030 pm and tried to go to sleep.

Around 1130 pm, I started having what I'd describe as cramps. They were anywhere from 5-10 min apart and I kept going back and forth to the bathroom, at first thinking I had some GI upset (that lasagna!) but then realizing that I was probably going into labor!

I turned on my hypnobirthing tracks and listened to the sections getting you through 30, then 60 and 90-second contractions.

Around 130 or 2 am, I told Kelvin that I think things were getting more intense. I was still spending a lot of time in the bathroom, kneeling over the birthing peanut ball I got and the cool tub, or lying on the floor. Kelvin joined me and started using the contraction app tracker to check the contraction frequency.  We filled and I got in our bathtub (pics omitted for decency!) with warm water and some lavender essential oil which really helped me cope with the pain (hydrotherapy is great for labor!). Pepper joined us and made herself cozy on the bathroom floor, too! :)

 

By close to 4 am (I found that time did really fly when I was trying to breathe through contractions!), I was trying to examine myself to see if I thought I was really in "active" labor (6 cm+) and ready to go to the hospital.  With everything I've read about natural childbirth during this pregnancy, I was hoping to try to do a birth without meds if I could tolerate the pain, recognizing that there was no way to know how it would affect me (and yes, there was pain, not just an "intense sensation or surge" like Ina May Gaskin, a renowned midwife, likes to say), so my goal was to be strong yet open and flexible! I didn't want to go to the hospital too early in labor. However, on my self-exam, I could feel the baby's head and a bulging bag of water and so thought it was time to head the 5 min over to Mad River. I called the birth center before heading in as a heads up, letting them know I "thought" I was in active labor and needed an objective person other than myself to check my cervix :)

Boy, I'm glad we didn't wait longer at home. I had about 3 contractions between our door and the hospital door a mere mile or so and 5 min from our house, and barely made it into the triage bed before my water broke all over the place (with clear fluid, thankfully). It seemed like it took forever for me to get my weight and vitals taken, put on the monitor, and examined, but the nurse told me at 0445 that I was 10 cm, fully dilated, and definitely a "keeper"! I was relieved yet anxious at the same time as I knew pushing was ahead.

They luckily wheeled my bed into rather than having me walk to one of the true labor rooms, and I was not very aware of much of anything as I think I had my eyes closed and was death-gripping the bedrails. However, we got settled, and although I didn't get a saline lock IV or any time for meds, epidurals, or the like, Kelvin did have time to get out and put up the decor we had packed for the "event," including white Christmas lights, the dreamcatcher and birth affirmation flags from my Blessingway the previous weekend, and the essential oil diffuser.  He turned on my "labor playlist" on iTunes which included some mellow chorales as well as Christmas music and some peppy pop, all of which set a nice mood.

K insisted on this "labor selfie" (in between contractions, I was actually able to smile!)

Eloi, my colleague on call and neighbor, arrived soon after to coach me through pushing, which was definitely hard work! I felt like I was being a bit wimpy, not wanting to "push into the pain" as I often tell my patients.  It was definitely intense. But I could definitely feel his head descending, and even reach down to feel my progress.  I pushed for about an hour or so, with questionable effort but at least I buckled down, cooperated, and did it :)

At 615 am, about an hour and a half after reaching the hospital and 7 hours after the first contractions started, our son "Iver" was born! I think he came out to a Christian worship song "Trading My Sorrows" (we didn't time things quite right as Handel's "Hallelujah chorus" from The Messiah played a few minutes before Iver came out!). We had not picked the name beforehand but rather had a short list to narrow down when we met him. His name is a Scottish and /or Scandinavian name which means "archer" or "bowhunter," and we used my maiden (and current middle) name as his, too.   He came out screaming with Apgars of 9 and 10 and was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen! He was born on the Winter Solstice which perhaps is lucky in some way? :)

first cry

I was incredibly emotional when I first held him to my chest!

Eloi was amazing! I couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader in the second stage and she also took great care to repair my tear!

Family of three!

Iver was incredibly alert at birth!

giving us the bird :)

Getting weighed! He was 7#2 oz, 3238g, and 19 1/4 inches.

First baby exam

Proud papa

 

Feeling more human, a few hours later

I had an absolutely miraculous and perfect birth experience!  I am so thankful for a mercifully fast labor (don't think I could have done it "naturally" if I was in active labor for more hours or days!), uncomplicated delivery, and healthy baby boy!  

“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers. Strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.”
- Barbara Katz Rothman

Happy birthday to Iver, happy Winter Solstice, and Merry early Christmas to us!

Preparation (... and a whole lot of waiting...)

A blog I wrote but neglected to post yesterday... interesting given that we are now parents!!! More news to come later!!!:)

I am officially now on maternity leave.  I wasn't quite sure when it made sense to "go out" on my leave (in California, at least, 36 weeks [for otherwise uncomplicated pregnancies] is the time when you can technically be considered "disabled by pregnancy" and get partial pay from the state disability program while not working). I must say that I have had a really easy pregnancy with my only complaints a little bit of sciatic and pelvic pain and a bothersome ulnar neuropathy at night in the last few weeks, and so I have never felt like I was really not able to do my job while pregnant, and thus I did not plan to use this general 36 week guideline just because I could. I ultimately decided to have my last "work day" the Friday before I turned 38 weeks, just to have some time to get organized before this little one arrives (in the chance, albeit slight as first babies often arrive late, that I deliver between 39-40 weeks), which has been somewhat challenging when working full time.

Of course, I felt very guilty leaving clinic and leaving my inbox and my patients for others to cover, as I do still when I think of my extended absence after baby (I ultimately decided to set my return date in March close to 3 months after my due date, which could certainly be changed depending on how late I deliver, if there are complications or a c-section, and if I'm bored out of my mind on post-natal maternity leave :)).  However, I have really found that I am enjoying my "time off/stay-cation" and I've found it really great to have time to nourish my body and mind when preparing for childbirth. I have also learned that, medically, stress (particularly the catecholamines of epi and norepinephrine) can inhibit oxytocin which is necessary for uterine contractions, and one can't go into labor when too strung out like I often am in a busy family practice clinic or up all night with laboring patients, and thus I'm kind of glad I'm not working until 40 weeks or beyond (as I'd love this baby to come in 2014)!

I have definitely been nesting. In the last week, I did the pre-baby laundry. As much as we can call our office/place-where-baby-will-sleep-eventually a "nursery," it got set up in terms of the closet being cleaned, diaper and changing area organized, and clothes organized by size.  I mostly packed our labor bag(s), although I am anticipating a slow ramping-up-of-true-labor that will allow me to finish packing last-minute items (a book I read recommended having an "early labor" project, something to do while contractions are still mild, to give your mind and body a purpose so perhaps this will be mine :) We also live less than 5 minutes from the hospital, so Kelvin could always run home for anything I forget). I did some last-minute shopping in town and online for stuff we will need in the first few weeks.  I have cleaned the bathtub, with hopes to labor in it.  Kit, one of the staff members at the prenatal clinic, showed me how to install the carseat (I feel so much better that that's done!).  It's great to have time to do many of these things at a leisurely pace, rather than trying to squeeze all of the tasks on my to-do list into a couple of hours at the end of a busy clinic day before I generally fall into bed, exhausted.

Christmas came early for me in the form of a chest freezer (thanks, honey!). Our freezer is exceptionally small, and I definitely needed more space, as I plan to try to express and freeze some impressive quantities of breastmilk before I got back to work. I also have a plan to cook and freeze some easy-to-reheat meals for when I'm too tired to cook postpartum :).

As far as preparing the body: on Monday, I attended a prenatal yoga class for the first time. I'm not a "yoga person" in general (I'm quite inflexible when it comes to stretching, and I prefer more heart-pumping exercise in general. After I attended a "hot yoga" class with Amy one time in residency and nearly passed out, I was quite turned off from all yoga). But I really enjoyed this local class which used some adjunctive aids such as a yoga/birthing ball and tennis balls (which feel awesome when rolled against a wall on sore spots on your back!) to complement the breathing and stretching exercises.  My staff members at the birth center and my medical assistant, Jenn, had given me lovely gift certificates and so I enjoyed both a prenatal massage as well as a pedicure (since it's nearly impossible to paint my own toenails comfortably at this point!). The massage was heavenly-- Connie actually had a divet in her table for pregnant bellies and I was able to lie face-down (my preferred sleeping position!) for the first time in months during the 90-minute (!) massage (which was the longest I'd ever had). I'd been doing some reading about acupressure points, for both labor analgesia and induction (not that I am really trying for a December baby or anything! ;)), and when she asked me if I wanted those points massaged, which could nudge things in the right direction if my body was ready, I said "yes, please!" (but obviously we don't have a baby yet so it's not his time).

I've had some time to continue to read and watch birthing-related things on Netflix. Some of my favorite books I've read this pregnancy included Childbirth without Fear (Grantly Dick-Read), Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding, and everything else that Ina May Gaskin has written (!), So That What They're For (J Camaro),  many sleep books including Babywise (G. Ezzo), Happiest Baby on the Block (Harvey Karp), Good Night, Sleep Tight (Kim West).  Last week, I watched part two of Ricky Lake's "Business of Being Born" which was really informative, and some natural childbirth videos which really make me believe even more that "hands-off" labor is the best kind. I've also been watching a great British series set in 1950s London "Call the Midwife."  I've attended a couple of hypnobirthing classes with Tracy, a local midwife, and although we had to reschedule last week's class, I will finish it this week. Hypnobirthing aims to teach deep relaxation techniques to aid in childbirth coping. The cds are definitely hypnotic, so much so that I often doze off while listening to them, but I was told that the messages are still reaching my subconscious.

As much preparing as we've done and as non-procrastinators as K and I are, one thing we have still not accomplished is... picking a name for our future (supposed) son (we will really be up a creek if it somehow comes out a girl!).  We've of course discussed it on a number of occasions, and have a short list going, but haven't agreed on THE ONE yet, nor are we likely to do so or reveal our top choices until we meet him.  It seems so personal... and permanent.
So stay tuned :)

So, the clothes are washed. The bags are (mostly packed). We have diapers and clothes. We're almost 39 weeks by good dating which is when babies' lungs are considered mature and after which elective inductions/deliveries are considered acceptable. We are ready and just waiting. Not a particularly patient person by nature, this is hard and going to be hard for me, with each day that goes by waiting for some signs that I'm not going to be pregnant forever. It seems surreal that a live being is going to come out of my body sometime in the next few weeks.  But I know he will. I just wonder when. Come soon, little one! We are ready for you!

Ornament Exchange

On Saturday night, we attended Amber's holiday party/Ornament Exchange.

We had delicious treats including shortbread, cheesecake-chocolate cups, and a chocolate-drizzled "Avalanche" popcorn mix I managed to pull together.

We brought Pepper along, but Amber's guest chihuahua "Rat" (Amber manages a kennel) preferred to snuggle on the large bear rather than play.

Christmas family selfie (doesn't Pep look thrilled to be in this hat??)

We played some fun games, like trying to draw a Christmas scene ("why Santa fired his reindeer") with the paper laid ontop of our heads.

Irene and our host, Amber

 

Garrett

The results were quite interesting (Kelvin was a voted finalist with his drawing about security breaches, shown below)

This was my drawing, attempting to show that the reindeer (not a cat as it ended up resembling) ate Santa's cookies.

It's really hard to draw a picture with the paper on your head!!

 

 

Irene's reindeer trampled the gifts

I think Cherilynn's reindeer were scalping the Christmas gifts on ebay.

"Driving while intoxicated"

I can't recall what scene was depicted in Peggy's drawing...

... nor in Heather's..

We also played Christmas jeopardy, with categories of Christmas Carols, Classic Christmas Movies, Nativity, North Pole, and Christmas Traditions.

Kelvin, Heather, and I came away the winners on a come-from-behind win on the last question!

We then did the Ornament Exchange, drawing numbers to draw from the pool of gifts, with up to two "steals" allowed.

And, while unrelated to the party (except that it is Christmas-related), I had to share this picture of an original Chrismas decoration down the street from us: Rudolph!

We are in the holiday spirit now!

an auntie first

Kenn and Lisa had their baby on December 5th, about a week early after a smooth labor! The couple has the most adorable and photogenic baby, the first grandson for K's parents, who will gain another one in a short while. It's so great that these boy first cousins will be so close in age!

Welcome to the world, Kingston!

You can see more of these fabulous Christmas-y newborn photos that they took themselves on Kenn's photography blog, Left on Emerson, from where the above photo was stolen.

Blessingway

On Saturday, the wonderful birth center nurses held a 'Blessingway' for me as I prepare for motherhood (there are about two weeks left until the due date!).

I had never heard of this type of a gathering when Shoshanna suggested the idea to me, but learned that, in stark contrast to a "baby shower," which tends to be very commercialized and which I really hoped to avoid, this event (traditionally female-only, and based on a Navajo tradition) celebrates and aims to nurture and honor a new mama (so I agreed to participate :)).

We sat in a circle and shared our fears to try to let them go.  Everyone brought a bead with special significance which was placed/tied onto a dreamcatcher for me and which can be hung in the baby's room.  The mothers in the group shared some birth stories, birth wisdom, and spiritual poems.  I had my feet bathed in fragrant water and got my feet massaged which is a powerful fertility ritual. We tied yarn around our wrists in a continuous circle, then cut segments, which may stay on our limbs until my birth is complete. Julie made a lovely henna design on my belly which may last a couple of weeks.  The women made birth affirmation flags for me to hang in my labor room. And we ate and socialized.

It was such a great afternoon! Although I felt a bit uncomfortable as the center of attention, I was so honored to have been invited to be a part of this, and to work with such fabulous, strong women. I already feel better and more empowered about my birth which, with hope, will go well (and, I pray, fast and soon!).  Pictures are courtesy of Shosh and Trisha (who, unfortunately as a result, got left out of most of the photos.)

Shoshanna, to my left, organized and led the ceremony

 

 

 

Renee, Marta, Amy, Chelsea

  

Lori, Lauren, Erin, Annie (and Aveeda)

Erin, Lauren

Joanne wove this dreamcatcher

the lovely finished product!

Marta, singing

  

Birth Affirmation Flags

 The Henna

 

 

("mummifying" me to protect the dye)

So grateful for these amazing women!