(Lyrics adapted from a song from Kim Possible, a show/character that Iver likes).
I don't know about most people, but (warning: rant ahead and call me a curmudgeon) I am not a fan of iPhone text messaging.
I first became acquainted with texting in about 2011, when we moved here and, as part of employment, I got my first smartphone. I had your regular-old flip phone when I lived in Minnesota and in Sacramento, which served me just fine (I am of the generation that still remembers having functional landlines, college Audix voice mailboxes, and pre-loaded Tracfones for driving emergencies. To my kids' surprise, we survived just fine without mobile phones). Not being a huge fan of talking at length on the phone, I have always appreciated in-person conversations, and words in the form of notes, letters, or electronic communication (historically, in the form of e-mails). Some might think that this should mean that I'd love the type of quick communication that text messaging affords.
Don't get me wrong-- text-messaging is convenient for some things ("We're on our way" or "We landed" being a couple, or, internationally using iMessage over Wi-fi). However, the more that it's become a part of my/our lives, the less I like it (and Iver spontaneously texting at his age really alarmed me. I worry about tech addiction/tech distraction for my kids' generation a lot). It's led to me adjusting my habits around texts and phone usage in general, in (I feel) a positive direction.
Earlier in 2021, I read Nir Eyal's book Indistractable. Among other things, I agree that so many of our phone features (access to apps including Facebook, e-mail, news, internet browsing, and more) can really lead us to misuse our time, and more importantly, our attention. Long ago, I disabled phone alerts/notifications on all my apps, so I have to physically intentionally open the app to read its content. However, I couldn't figure out a great way to do this with text messaging, which I've always found incredibly distracting (obviously, there are other issues with texting like misunderstandings and the absence of tone). I still use my phone more than I'd like to (but not much around my family or other people), but less than previously.
The "dings" of an incoming text message would often hit while I was in the middle of work, seeing patients, picking up or playing with kids, trying to nap when on call (when I have to keep my ringer on in case of patient or hospital calls), or at a strange hour (due to friends/family in different time zones). Sometimes in evenings and overnight, I would turn the phone to "Do not disturb time." However, during the day, I did want to be able to see messages particularly from Kelvin (or those that were work-related/time-sensitive). Nevertheless, rarely were any of these messages truly urgent, and yet after I received a text, I'd feel the need or guilt to read it and reply promptly (in case I forgot later and so as to not appear rude. I'd also feel anxious until I did so, even if the matter or question wasn't urgent enough to require immediate attention).
I really hated/hate that feeling! I think probably 80% of more text messages I receive can be dealt with in e-mails instead (I am also someone that doesn't like to read news articles or other content on small screens. I also like to save photos to my computer). I really don't like back-and-forth conversations over text (just call! It's far less rude and more efficient to have a quick chat than to have my head buried in the phone with a digital conversation when any other people are around). And group texting is just the absolute WORST (but I know how to "exit" such conversations to avoid getting continued messages). I do not like the pressure of responding quickly right away to anyone at anytime, and yet this is somehow what we have come to expect from our friends, co-workers, and family members. (I feel the same way about a new feature of our electronic medical record, secure instant chat-messaging, which is just a bunch more clicks I have to minimize/close to get out of view and which is distracting when I'm trying to get through clinics seeing patients. There are other features-- EMR staff messages [for patient-specific information] or work e-mail which generally suffice for the tasks at hand and can be addressed at a convenient time).
There is another way.
I haven't yet found a way to selectively allow "sound" notifications from specific contacts (as you can do with allowing calls from your "favorites" or "emergency bypass" even when phone is in do-not-disturb mode), like from your spouse or kids' teachers (while everyone else stays on silent). I have looked it up multiple times, and don't think iPhone has this feature (but it should and I wish/bet someone in IT could figure this out!). I also think there should be a way to "time" a message for a future send (if you want to send a message or reply and think you might forget if you don't do it right away but don't want to accidentally bother someone or wake them up [this is relevant when we sign out to our OB colleagues about potential hospital labors, sometimes desperately wanting to go to sleep at 4 or 5 am after a long night/birth and not having to wake up again at 6 or 7 to send an "All is quiet" message]).
Nevertheless, a few weeks ago, I turned off all sound notifications for texting, and it's been a game-changer. The text still shows up/lights up on my phone screen, but I don't know it's there unless I check my phone, which I have found I'm doing less and less of lately. When I'm not on call, I generally leave my phone in my work bag (unless I need it for signing secure electronic prescriptions) and, at home, try to leave it on a counter face down, or in the bedroom (not in my pocket to be tempted to reach for it) so as to not be literally chained to the device at all times.
I thought it would be harder to "break up with the phone," so to speak, for fear of missing out (FOMO). However, it really has not been difficult at all and has been refreshingly liberating. I've had some texts which I acknowledged later than the sender probably wanted (Kelvin is aware that if he needs an answer to something quickly, he should call, not text me). I will still, of course, use text messages to communicate, and I'm sure that iMessaging is not a feature that will be going away from our devices anytime soon (as much as I've seriously considered going back to a flip-phone!). However, these messages and the distraction they bring don't rule my life or attention any more, and they feel more like tools/a privilege than weighty obligations.
So, basically: I love to connect with friends and family, especially in times like this when many in-person interactions are still discouraged for epidemiological reasons. We are lucky to have the blessing of technology to connect us across the miles. However, while I always strive to be courteous and respond in a reasonable amount of time, I will not be the most immediately responsive text-responder going forward so, if you need to reach me, please:
- consider if you can e-mail me the content instead (I'm a far better and more efficient keyboard typist than phone typist, check e-mail regularly and at convenient times for replying, and my replies are more thoughtful and filled with better punctuation and grammar [did I mention I HATE the feature auto-correct?!]). Then, the content also stays/becomes "searchable"/retrievable for later.
- call me if it's time sensitive or if there will likely be a back-and-forth exchange needed, or just so we can connect in a more meaningful way.
I'd love to hear if anyone else has found other tips or tricks for evading text- or phone distraction!
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