The next chapter

"The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you." - Tennessee Williams

It is so hard to believe that it is already December, and we are nearly (1/1/11 [cool date, eh?!] will technically be the mid-way point) half-way through this academic year. Just under seven months remain for me in residency (! Can you tell that I am excited?!). It really does feel like just yesterday that I started as an intern and tomorrow I am supposedly in charge as OB chief.

It is very strange to me, and a bit scary, to contemplate all of the changes that 2011 will bring. Although I have moved every three or four years my whole life, this will be a different kind of move and transition. This is the FIRST time since high school that I have not really had to do formal school/educational applications. Having interviewed at some potential employment sites in California, it amazes me how laid back the "job" interviews have been and how different this "selection" process is from "getting in" to med school or the nail-biting residency match. It is interesting to consider that, while some of my high school friends and second-career friends have been through a number of different jobs (or careers!) by now, I feel as though my *real* life (i.e. you are not a *real* adult until you have a husband and a *real* job ;)) is just getting started!

The job search itself is rather stressful and different now in that there are two people to consider-- K and I have to think in terms of what works best for both of us, with me wanting to do full-spectrum family medicine with OB and c-sections, and him having a National Health Service Corps Scholar requirement to work in a health-professional shortage area. This narrows our choices as far as practice locations but also has made us realize that we will have to accept some tradeoffs, whether that means one or both of us has to commute a long distance daily, do more inpatient time/call than we'd ideally desire, accept a more restricted scope of practice, or live far away from friends/family/airports. Despite the above, in some ways and having now gone on several interviews, I wish we had more restrictions as I am less comfortable having too many choices or "the ball in my court," so to speak. We have some difficult decisions to make should the offers come, and hope to have a job sorted out by next month.

Another reason I hope to have the job situation figured out soon is that we have a lot to do with the upcoming wedding in July. While I feel that we are making good "task" progress (K is an unbelievable help!), including the engagement shoot and prints, purchasing wedding bands, getting my ao dai tailoring in progress, scheduling our pre-cana (Catholic pre-marital class), and initial florist/photographer meetings this past weekend, the checklist seems never-ending.

The dress-shopping itself is exhausting and not really up my alley-- I don't know how many times I have heard recently, "Do you have your dress? You really need to get it now, as it takes many months to get it and then have it altered." This obviously does not seem to help my already-high anxiety level about this whole affair. I have actually had nightmares about not getting everything done in time. I look forward to the day/evening/weekend (is the honeymoon here, yet?! :)) when we don't have to worry about wedding planning which, as I mentioned before, feels like it is a full-time job.

I do realize that everything will come together, eventually, regardless about how much stress I feel worrying about how exactly it is going to come together or the possibility that it won't. Corrie Ten Boom, a 20th century Dutch Evangelist wrote, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." I am working on remembering this faith.