Quad Shower!

 Ana, Nina, Molly, me

 

Can you believe that four, yes four, of us that work at our prenatal clinic are due in December (there must be something in the water!)?!  Our awesome work colleagues at NPS threw us a very nice non-baby-emphasized "baby shower" (brunch and hangout session, no silly baby games) at the Eureka clinic today.   I loved just eating the delicious food that people brought, hanging out with everyone, and getting labor tips from our experienced childbirth educators, doulas, and mothers themselves (men were welcome, but far outnumbered at the shower! Kelvin did make an appearance). 

I can't believe that, in a couple of months, we will all be parents (Molly for the second time) and have newborns who will be born within a month of eachother (doesn't that warrant an in-clinic daycare?!). 

Mommy and work guilt

Since learning that we were pregnant, my biggest worry was "How am I going to be a good mom and be able to do a good job at work?" Being a perfectionist and really wanting to be a "good doctor," I often feel incredibly stressed and overwhelmed at trying to make sure nothing falls through the cracks, and making sure that results, refills, and patient calls get dealt wth in a timely manner.  It is so emotionally exhausting that I have often been on the brink of burnout (and daily, feel like there is little left in the tank to want to socialize or be too ambitious in the evenings or weekends, which are basically used for recuperating from my day [and often night] job).

While I have managed to handle work pretty well while pregnant, despite some extremely busy work days, call nights and weeks, I have struggled with how much maternity leave to (plan to) take. While at least in California, women do get "pregnancy disability" leave which can start when pregnancy makes you disabled or at 36 weeks, and extends through the postpartum recovery period,  many states don't offer any programs which allow moms to stay home for "baby bonding" longer than that.  You can see that, compared to other nations around the world (we should all move to Finland!), the U.S. in general has pretty pathetic maternity leave policies. However, again, California is quite generous, allowing six additional weeks for "paid family leave" (partially paid baby bonding) as well as FMLA (another six weeks of unpaid leave to care for your child or an ill family member), so presumably one could take up to 18 weeks post-delivery off.

While it would be great for establishing breastfeeding and feeling entirely devoted and bonding with our new infant, I just don't feel that taking this much time off after delivery would be right for my professional/work life and fair for my colleagues; hence the start of both mommy- and professional-guilt.  I hate to be a burden on the other doctors and providers "covering" my inbox, patient load, and call.  But nor do I don't want to be *that mom* whose child grows up feeling abandoned or less important and less loved.  I've come up with a plan to go out on leave around 38 weeks (2 weeks prior to my due date, barring other complications) and then take 3 months off past my due date with the option to work fewer days when I come back and come back sooner should I feel the overwhelming urge.

When feeling guilty about being a (pretty much full-time) working mom, following articles made me feel a bit better:

1. "8 Reasons Being a Working Mom Is Good for Your Kid" by Judy Dutton, with original text found here.

Working moms are probably among the guiltiest-feeling people on the planet: How can they tear themselves away from their kids all day to kiss some boss's butt in an office? Yeah, it's hard -- but working moms are also the majority these days, with more than 70 percent of mothers with young children clocking full-time hours. Yet even so, only 16 percent of Americans think a full-time working mom is best for the kids.

Well, we've got news for you: It turns out there's plenty of scientific evidence that working moms don't harm kids one bit and can actually be beneficial. Don't believe us? Take a look at the evidence below.

1. Your child will love you. Even though working moms are away all day, numerous studies from the 1950s up until the present have shown that the bond between mom and child does not suffer.
2. Kids of working moms were just as close to their mothers as those with stay-at-home moms. So, you can stop worrying your kids don't love you as much, all right?
3. Day care doesn't screw kids up. In Norway, a study of 75,000 children in daycare found that more time in day care did not lead to more behavioral problems in kids. The big qualifier was that's quality day care, not some hole in the wall, but of course you wouldn't leave your kids in a hole in the wall anyway. 
4. Kids of working moms get better grades. A review of 50 years' worth of research determined that children whose mothers worked before their tots turned 3 did no worse academically or behavior-wise at school later on than kids with stay-at-home moms. These kids even had the edge in some ways, with fewer incidents of depression or anxiety and better grades.
5. Working moms are happier (and happy moms make happy kids). Numerous studies suggest that women who work their entire lives feel better than stay-at-home moms, who suffer far higher rates of depression.
6. Working moms spend just as much "quality time" with their kids. Strange but true: Modern-day employed moms spend just as much time caring for their children as stay-at-home moms did in 1975 -- particularly in terms of talking with their kids, going to their activities from ballet performances to soccer matches, and caring for them when they're sick. How is this possible? Well, it turns out these working moms typically just cut back on their sleep and leisure activities. Which sounds exhausting and martyr-ish, but hey, at least the kids are all right.
   
7. Working moms are great role models. A recent study of 19,000 British kids found that girls with stay-at-home mothers were twice as likely to suffer emotional or behavioral problems by the age of 5 than girls with working moms. The reason? It's good for young girls to see their mothers be independent and engaged professionally rather than stewing at home. And it's great for boys (who someday might marry) to see a woman who works.
8. Your kids don't even WANT you to home. In the 1990s, Ellen Galinsky at the Families and Work Institute conducted a survey of kids aged 8 to 18 with working parents, asking what's the one thing they wished they could change about their parents' work lives. Think they wanted mommy home? Hardly! Their top wish was that their parents would be less tired and stressed. Their second wish was that parents would earn more money. Time together ranked third.

 
I also really enjoyed this couplet of letters, by Dr. Carolyn Ee, originally written at http://carolynee.net/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/

A Letter From a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother (and Vice Versa)

Dear Stay-At-Home Mum

Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I'm a mum and for a while I did it too. 

I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn't even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.

I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don't get any down time when you're on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.

I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle - you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.

I know you fantasize about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it's all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears. 

I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the "latte set." They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim "TGIF!" because to you every day is the same - there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work - you simply work an unpaid job at home.

SAHM, I don't know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children's lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children's lives even if it isn't always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward - no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.

I just wanted you to know that I understand. We're both mothers. And I know.

Love from the trenches
Working Mum


Dear Working Mum
I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don't love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it's best for children to be at home with their mothers.

How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.

I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You're my child's allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You're the physiotherapist who treated my husband's back. You're the accountant who does our tax returns. My son's primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter's gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn't been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother's place had to be in the home?

I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your "second shift" begins. The nay-sayers don't understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.

I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can't bring yourself to take a "day off" for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your "time off" for now. I know that when you are at work you don't waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don't go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.

I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.

I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we're both mothers.

Love from the trenches

Stay-At-Home Mum

Halloween Bumps

I'm not much into the Halloween holiday as I think I've mentioned in the past.  However, this year, with a "bump" to dress up, I got more in the spirit.

We went to Mandy's Halloween party last weekend as Juno and Paulie, characters from the Indie flick Juno.

with the classic orange tic tacs

Pepper was a sport and kept her costume on for over 2 hours!

Mandy and Sam were very creative with their decor and food!

Mummy bowl with dip, and doritos-coated cheese ball to look like a pumpkin!

On today, actual Halloween, we were cautioned that, if we wanted to dress up for work, to not wear anything too showy or "scary."  These were some "bump" costumes I saw online. I figure that the dismembered baby dolls probably was too "scary" for clinic wear and most of the others showed too much skin....

...instead, I went wearing this simple t-shirt which did get some compliments :) 

Since I'm on call this whole weekend, this is the Halloween image I'll leave you :)

Pop out those little pumpkins!!

Environmental Stewardship

I have been pretty environmentally-conscious for as long as I can remember (I think I wrote one of my college essays about being obsessive about scrap-paper-recycling, and somehow I wasn't deemed too quirky to be accepted :)). Kelvin and I and currently live in a very (literally) green area of the country, and we have become even more environmentally conscious and committed to reducing waste since being married and being here, particularly with a baby on the way.  Not only do a lot of the things we do reduce waste, but they also really save money. Here are some ways you, too can jump on board!

1. Drive an energy-efficient car 
We usually drive my hybrid Prius when we need to go on any substantial road trips, as it gets great gas mileage on the highway.  While it's not an "electric" car like my Dad's Chevy Volt (which he charges nightly for a few cents and for which he hasn't had to fill the reserve gas tank for almost a year!), it works well for us.

the plugged- in volt outside my parents' house last month

We also save greatly on gas (which is very pricey in our area due to its location) by living close (Kelvin - less than a mile, me- about 3-4 miles) to our primary workplaces.   Biking to work (for K, at least; I have to get on a highway) would make great sense (I biked the few miles to UC Davis all throughout residency and didn't own a parking permit), although our weather here in Humboldt makes that a somewhat tenuous option.

2. Don't waste food
I have always been a good rescuer (hence the name of this blog-- I will eat bananas way past their normal consumption date).  I have gradually and successfully converted Kelvin, too, to be a good eater of leftovers. He won't make the same extreme effort as I do to make sure everything gets finished in days or weeks, but, depending on the meal, is pretty game and cooperative to eat leftovers for lunches and some dinners so that I don't have to cook daily (I hate to cook, BTW).  He makes fun of my "rabbit meals" of random leftovers, but it works.  We also eat out very little, except when on vacation, and also try to buy locally and what is in season at the store.

We do have a compost tumbler bin off our back porch where our kitchen scraps go, which makes me feel like we are reducing landfill waste. While I have never been successful at getting anything to grow (see my black thumb) on which to dump my compost, I love the idea of growing your own veggies/herbs if you have garden space and the aptitude.

3.  Use reusable, not disposable items.
Like many, we are very insistent on using our reusable shopping bags for any trips to the store (we have heavy duty ones from Trader Joes and a huge blue bag from Ikea which is usually big enough to hold all of our groceries from our trips).   If we forget our bags in the car when we enter the store, we go back to retrieve them.

I totally support the idea that stores charge/tax customers for the use of disposable (plastic) bags for their purchases. I HATE plastic shopping bags, which always seem to multiply in your house regardless of how infrequently you get them.  We also like to use Chico reusable veggie/fruit bags for our produce, to save on those other small plastic clear bags. We sometimes need to use some clear produce bags, but we reuse them in our fridge or on subsequent grocery trips, or use them for Pepper's poop on our walks.

 

We have started using and reusing cloth napkins for our meals at home, which we just need to launder these every week or two, and have started to save greatly on paper towel usage.

My mom found awesome high-quality and classy-appearing plastic Costco dinner plates for parties, which are completely reusable and which we will try to get the next time we plan on having a large get-together.

We have registered for several brands of cloth diapers and, at this point, plan to do as much cloth diapering for baby (including cloth wipes) as we can sanely handle. While the use of water to launder them bothers me, they really are MUCH better for the environment (I read somewhere that one diaper may stay in a landfill for up to 500 years before decomposing, and the average child produces about 5,000 disposable diapers before potty training).  We will also save a ton of money on diapers over a child's (or children's) lifetime.

We use reusable glasses whenever we can. I bring a tea/coffee thermos to places (like the hospital) that may have paper or disposable cups, and try to refill cool drink containers out of larger bottles rather than using single-serve juices or sodas.

I have convinced Kelvin that buying bottled water is a waste of money and resources (yay for regular tap water, or, for guests, water through a Brita filter).

We buy bulk handsoap to refill our different dispensers, rather than getting a new small bottle each time we need more!

I use refillable razors.


4. Get more out of your product
There is lots of waste that comes with buying new products and new dispensers. I now routinely re-use teabags, as I usually get get at least 2 cups of plenty-strongly-flavored tea out of each bag.

We have two Cuisipro foamers which allow you to use about 75% less handsoap than from the regular soap-dispensers.

We plan to and try to use all electronics "until they die" rather than upgrading to newer products -- this includes our two cars, iPad (yes, the new one may be out but the old one works just fine!), TVs, etc. 

We try to upcycle things. Now, I am not a seamstress or a huge "do-it-yourself"-type person due to very limited time, so I can't really make old shrunken sweaters into iPad cases or anything, but I love the idea of upcycled products. I have a great seatbelt bag that K got me for my birthday a couple of years ago.

I have started saving old spray bottles and lotion pump bottles for homemade solutions and sprays, as well as jars for baby food in the future. I am going to attempt to make some homemade baby wipe solution and creams using essential oils, coconut oil, and castile soap.

5. Why buy new?
I have always been a thrifty shopper. I generally see very little reason to buy anything non-electronic or non-hygiene related (i.e. toiletries) new. With the exception of the clothes my MIL got for me and my dress for my sister's wedding, my maternity wardrobe has come from a variety of thrift shops since I see little point in buying new items that will have short lifespans.  Craigslist has become my best friend for baby things, which are often extremely gently used due to their limited time of use. While I am definitely a bibliophile, I can't recall the last time I purchased a new book. My book sources are (in order); ***the public library, used book stores where books are on the sidewalk (when they are $2 or less-- in which I consider reading and then recycling, to another used store or the library, as a "rental" of the book), Amazon marketplace (and only when I can't find it at the library) or on kindle/Nook, where at least I feel like I'm creating less paper/tree waste.  I love the e-books for travel.

6. Less is more
We try not to buy *extra things* but rather would spend our money on experiences and travel.  As above, I don't hang on to many books, but, once done reading them, try to pass them on to friends, used bookstores, or back to the public library. We are trying to be baby-gear minimalists. I recently went through and cleaned out our closets to cut down on our general clutter, which I think should be done at least once or twice every year, and was able to resell many items (ipod accessories, printers, a palm pilot, some pet items) on Craigslist and even ebay, and donate many other things. It's great to borrow, not buy, things, if possible.

7.    Turn trash into treasure
For things I couldn't or didn't feel like would sell, I decided to post items on Freecycle, a yahoo-based group where you can post things-you'd-like-to-get-rid-of in your local community so that someone that may find use of the item can pick it up. I've passed on items like an old phone, posters, and kitchen pans to a grateful recipient.  This saves items from ending up at the dump, and provides someone else the opportunity to give them a second life.

Happy recycling!!!

Pet MDs

Last week, Pepper began a strange stretch of days of morning puking (jumping off our bed to start dry heaving and then puking up a small pool of liquid).  (?Preview of parenthood?).

She'd then promptly act like herself, be eager to go for her morning walk (with normal stool), and eat her normal breakfast (and dinner).

We are not overreacting parents. I know dogs vomit from time to time. We have been very lucky in that vomiting has never been recurrent or prolonged with Pepper, and, other than a time where she was tachypneic and sleepy for a few days (perhaps a touch of doggie pneumonia! But we just listened to her with our stethoscopes and let her get over it with time), she has never really been "sick."
[We are also lucky in that we have wood floors with throw rugs, rather than wall-to-wall carpeting).
We also don't spoil her with anything other than doggie kibble and rare rawhide snacks, and know that she doesn't get into any other funky things like eating shoes, socks, or carpet that I know has caused even bowel obstructions in other friends' dogs!  However, we were still very puzzled by this abrupt symptom.

Being doctors, Kelvin and I of course thought we could figure this out ourselves. Was she suffering from sympathetic morning sickness? (she, of course, is spayed).

We thought that a very rich pig snout treat we gave her when Kieu and Jimmy were visiting was too much for her little tummy, for we had not altered anything else in her diet.  However, six days later, she was still puking in the mornings.

Was it just run-of-the-mill doggie gastroenteritis? (without a change in her stools?).

She had had an "all clear" physical at the vet's just the previous week (although she did get routine vaccines, NOT that I suspected that they had anything to do with it) although she was not having symptoms at that time.

I was tempted to at least ask the vet for an opinion, for I had to bring her back to get one additional Lyme vaccine last week (since she's little, they recommended breaking them up).  "Should I make her another appointment?" I asked K.

"If she was your [human] child, would you bring her to the doctor?" he asked me.
"Probably not, " I answered, as she was otherwise acting normally, with normal appetite, energy level, and stools [note to parents of children: symptoms in general are not of great concern unless there are other changes in activity, dehydration, etc].
"Exactly," he concurred.  And then he found more information on the internet that I think gave us the diagnosis.

From PetMD


Bilious vomiting syndrome occurs when bile abnormally enters the stomach from the intestine, causing irritation and vomiting. The presence of bile is indicated by a watery, yellow-green substance in the vomit contents. If vomiting does not occur and the bile remains in the stomach, the irritation to the stomach can lead to gastric reflux.

Vomiting is usually seen in the morning or late night just before eating, especially in dogs that are fed once daily. This might be due to prolonged periods between meals, or to related stomach inactivity, which aggravates the bile reflux.

This condition is commonly seen in older dogs but can occur at any age. Both genders are equally affected...

Aha!  So she was puking in the morning due to an empty stomach? We do feed her twice daily.

We decided to start giving her a tiny Cesar's treat snack after her bedtime walk and... voila! The problem is solved as now it seems she has just enough in her little stomach to prevent the early morning heaving. We have been puke-free for at least three days.   I hope to wean this late-night snacking in the future but, for now, I am just happy that I feel like our medical degrees (or at least intuition and web-researching ability) are good for something and that our little girl is better :)

Pumpkin Patch

With a free Saturday, Kelvin and I, trying to get into the fall spirit, checked out Warren Farms' Pumpkin Patch this past weekend.

They had a corn maze, although not nearly as big as the one (World's Largest Corn Maze) in Dixon, CA which I still rave about.

We ambled around the pumpkin fields but didn't come away with any pumpkins this year (we've had bad pumpkin-smashing experiences and nasty pumpkin curry in our house in recent years).

I liked the (little) white ones. 

I wonder if our baby will weigh more than this pumpkin :)

I also enjoy driving by this display of upside-down legs on my way to the hospital.

Happy fall!!

Throwback Sunday

Apurva reminded us that it was ONE YEAR AGO that we embarked on the journey to climb the highest mountain in Africa.

This winter, K and I will celebrate another life-changing event; however, the Kilimanjaro climb last year, chronicled by one of my favorite blog posts, was the most amazing experience of my life to this date.  On 10/19/13 at 0605 AM, we watched the sun rise over Africa, which is something that brought me to tears and which I will never forget.

 19,340 ft

 

 Happy Kili anniversary!  A lot has changed since then! :)