A loooong weekend

This felt like a loong weekend (and not in a great way). While I am appreciative of the many men and women who have served and died for this country (and remember of all the schoolchildren memorialized this year in the name of our "right to bear arms") giving us this holiday, I could have done without this three-day weekend.

Between an energetic three-year-old who has decided that he's over naps, and a previously awesome sleeper now in the throes of the (almost) four-month sleep regression who has recently been waking about hourly after 2 a.m., I definitely didn't consider this a relaxing weekend.

The weather was glorious but somehow between trying to get the infant some good daytime naps due to poor night sleep, my horrendous springtime allergies, and a couple of household projects and packing, I hardly got out.  I didn't feel like I had any down time, but somehow I didn't get much done inside, either.  There was a lot of picture-drawing and practicing writing/spelling (Iver's latest passion!), but also a lot of negotiating, nagging, tears...

Kelvin and Iver did make it to the Kinetic Sculpture Race plaza kickoff on Saturday morning.

Merry Mollusk in honor of Herrmann Spetzler

Kelvin and Macario dug us a backyard hold for this solar composting Green Cone (Iver initiated it with the first apple core).

Church at St. Mary's

we spent a windy hour of an afternoon at Clam Beach

 

picture of the very cute sleep regresser

 

I usually don't work on Tuesdays, but agreed to work and take call at the prenatal clinic tomorrow, and I genuinely feel relieved at the chance at getting out of a houseful (does two count as a houseful?!) of kiddos.  Am I the only one?

Wordless Wednesday (My Yellow Loves and Judo Hut Bloopers)

Dad and Son Party Time

I've had a pretty busy first call weekend back from maternity leave. Kelvin and Iver have been hittin' the town at various social gatherings while I've been back and forth to the hospital multiple times for laboring patients and deliveries (and Kelvin's mom has been baby-watching).

On Friday, they went to Eloi's going-away party at Six Rivers' Brewery. Eloi, our former neighbor who worked at both Kelvin's FP clinic and our prenatal clinic, who delivered Iver back in 2014, and whose personality (and F-bombs) are pretty legendary around these parts, is headed to Washington and will be missed.

The Legend

 

The real version (apparently, Iver liked the cut-out more!)

 

Throwback to 2014:

  Gloria is one of Iver's buds

 

On Saturday, they went to Sara's for chicken wings... and banana slug-holding, apparently.

Here is Iver with Bentley, his December birthday bud and "best friend" at school...

 

Enjoying the Trampoline with Craig (and Ben).

Iver sure idolizes his papa, and Kelvin so enjoys his one-on-one time with his little mini-me!

Niall's 3-month update

 

At three months, Niall:

- probably weighs about 13 lbs, although we haven't weighed him since his two-month well child visit

- still has pretty gray eyes

- wears cloth diapers during the day and Pampers (with a cloth PUL cover to prevent blow-outs) at night

- still fits some 0-3-month clothes, whose life I am extending with onesie extenders I found on Etsy (which are great for cloth diaper-wearing fluffy butt babies!), and I should probably dig out the 3-6- month clothes soon

- is a good eater (snacking mostly, usually taking one breast per feed every couple of hours) when I'm home, and eating about 2 oz every 2 hours by bottle when I'm at work. He spits up quite a bit after most feeds, requiring bib-wearing, frequent burping, and being held upright for 10 minutes after feeds (including at night)

- is a FANTASTIC sleeper, in my opinion. He goes to bed usually around 8 p.m. or so (depending on his last daytime nap), and is going about 6 hours initially, waking once before going back to sleep after a feed and being up for the day around 6-7 a.m.  This is way better than big brother Iver, who (if I remember correctly) had multiple night wakings even past 1 year of life (although I do expect some regressions to happen). He is currently sleeping in our room, velcro-swaddled in a bedside bassinet on loan from Kellie, and our plans include trying to transition him to the crib (although it will stay in our room for now, until he is sleeping through the night consistently and share the room with big brother) in the next few months.

- naps 3-4 times during the day. Sometimes, his naps are 30-45 min catnaps, and he loves the rock 'n play, but he does well swaddled in the bassinet too, and in the car or stroller (although usually wakes when the motion stops). He usually has a short nap within 2 hours of waking, and then goes down again late morning, early afternoon, and takes one short one around 5pm.  We are able to put him down "drowsy-but-awake," which is so helpful with another child who needs our attention!

 - has discovered his hands to suck on, and we haven't really used the pacifier much, as he's really not fussy (only crying when hungry, wet, or tired); he also likes "chewing" on our fingers (or Sophie the Giraffe)

- loves getting his diaper changed, where he smiles at a pretty safari mobile we got (for Iver) from Laura

- "talks," smiles, and laughs, especially when big brother mimics me in saying, "Hi, sweetheart!"

- doesn't care much for tummy time (and often spits up and then face-plants in this position), but holds his head up well, can roll to his side, and is trying to roll from back-to-front on the floor

- has copious tearing, and probably bilateral nasolacrimal duct obstruction leading to lots of eye discharge, which we hope (with time and massage) will resolve in the next few months

Here is what Iver was doing at 3 months.

 

Happy three months (/"fourth trimester"), little guy!

Another Kid, Another Mother's Day

 

This will be my fourth year celebrating Mother's Day.  Being a mother is so incredibly humbling and incredibly hard. I am a doctor/surgeon who worked hard and excelled in school and most activities in which I was engaged, and parenting our spirited toddler/not losing my mind on a daily basis (the nap and bedtime fights and tantrums have continued) has been, by far, the most challenging thing I have ever done in my lifetime. While I used to struggle with frustration and jealousy that it seemed that other moms "had it easier," in that their children did not push them so hard and were less intense and they therefore enjoyed mothering more, I have learned a lot about myself and perhaps become a new (? better) person for it.  The below quote is something I need to remind myself of often (also that God doesn't give us more than we can handle). I'm definitely still learning (being taught my my toddler) daily and trying to remember, as childrearing expert and author Kurcinka writes, "Progress, not perfection, is our goal."

It may come to be a good thing to have a spirited toddler as our first child (although he almost didn't get a sibling because I didn't think we could handle it), because baby #2 has seemed like a relative breeze in comparison. It is a good thing, I think, despite one round of mastitis, to have your engorged breasts and not your twelve-week-old infant wake you up at night! Niall is doing some 6-hour stretches at night, waking some nights only once to feed in an 10- or 11-hour span, which is truly amazing. One's outlook on parenting, life, etc. is so different when one is better rested. I'm trying not to be too ecstatic and hopeful (or take credit for doing anything differently this time around because I really think he just has a different temperament), but having a baby that sleeps well (for the moment) and who is able to nap without a full-on fight is a GAME.CHANGER.

I just returned to work a week ago, after eleven weeks off.  I know that paid maternity leave is something many people are fighting for and which I agree should be standard in our country, as it is in many other developed nations (wish we could do it like Scandinavia!). California is actually quite generous in its parental leave, and I had six weeks of postpartum disability and then five more of "baby bonding" partially paid (I could have taken six).  Nevertheless, while some parents may wish for even more of an extended leave, and while I feel guilty at times saying it (but when do moms ever not feel guilty about their choices?), I am not someone who does well staying home full time with a small child/children and returning to the workplace is (and was after Iver, too) a relief for me (especially with a trustworthy mother-in-law willing to provide our childcare for a few months before he goes to a regular daycare). While I think most of the time I'm a pretty good mother (maybe the World's Okayest Mom), I recognize now that my self-worth comes from many places (including from being a health professional and taking good care of my patients), and that I feel incredibly isolated, inadequate, unappreciated, lazy, and unproductive (and also guilty for others covering my patients) when on maternity leave (and far more stressed and out of my element than I ever am at work when I am outnumbered by two children at home). Finding work-family(/life) balance is always hard but I feel like we have a good fit right now for our family.


Here are some pictures of the special boys that have made me a mom.

Snail researcher

Toddler  "mama-ing/breastfeeding" the little one

now-12-week-old Niall

We don't really do special "gifts," as I am trying not to accumulate "stuff," and I don't like flowers, but here's a Mother's Day bag that Iver made at preschool (which he claims is HIS, not mine) :).

He also made me a bookmark, which is fitting, as one of his favorite activities is stealing the bookmark out of whichever book I am reading and happen to leave out!

Kelvin's mother, a wonderful one who raised four amazing human beings, is graciously watching two kids for a bit so K and I can have an early-bird dinner date and try a new restaurant, Campground, in Arcata this evening (does every mother just wish for some kid-free time??).

A special Mother's Day wish goes to my mom across the coast who, if challenged as much by my sister and me as my older child challenges me, deserves many, many awards and whom I appreciate more than ever for putting up with a kid version of me!

Mom and her daughters, Kelvin and my wedding in 2011

 with her two grandsons, March 2018

Motherhood is messy. Exhausting. Frustrating. Stressful. For a perfectionist and a task-oriented doer who is used to being efficient and productive, mothering is so extremely hard.  But it is also Joyful. Hilarious. Life-changing.  I have to remember that progress, not perfection, is my goal and my children won't care if I don't get it perfectly right. I just want to be good enough.

Happy Mother's Day to all of those mothers out there! It really is the hardest job there is!